life of mine

Masalah dan manusia

2012-02-04T12:07:00.002+08:00

Kadang-kadang bila kita dilanda masalah, otak mula berputar, hati rasa nak pecah, langit macam nak runtuh.

Lebih-lebih lagi bila masalah tu melibatkan orang lain. Dan orang lain tu hidup seronok sahaja di slumber land.

Tapi kau tau apa sebenarnya masalah utama?

Diri kau sendiri.

Cara kau pandang masalah, cara kau apply KBKK kat masalah-masalah, cara kau fikir apa yang orang fikir, cara kau risau apa yang orang risau, cara kau khuatir apa yang orang lain rasa.

Ya, masalah memang ada tapi bila kau fikir masalah dan perkara-perkara yang tak terjangkau dek akal, itu sebenarnya yang menambah masalah.

Yang boleh kau kawal sebenarnya diri kau sendiri. Kau takkan mampu kawal orang lain (mungkin ada yang mampu tapi itu cerita lain). Cara kau pandang masalah, cara kau letak expectation, cara kau tu, cara kau ni, itu semua kau boleh kawal.

Benar, emosi juga memainkan peranan utama dalam memandu akal, tapi kalau hati yang tidak bersih melahirkan emosi yang tidak stabil seterusnya menyebabkan akal tidak keruan lantas tindakan yang dilahirkan membabi-buta,bukan?

Jadi, nasihat aku, bersihkan hati, pohon Allah suluhkan hati, emosi,akal dan tindakan. Fikir secara rasional dan positif. Kawal diri, insyaAllah kau boleh kawal situasi. Atau sekurang-kurangnya diri sendiri.

Langit runtuh

2012-02-02T13:43:00.004+08:00

Doraemon angkat tangan

Temankan ultraman

Sin Chan gembira

Langit runtuh

Khusyu' and Zu'

2012-02-01T08:12:00.001+08:00

Aku pernah tanya Brother Afroz, apakah caranya untuk khusyu' dalam solat. Tak silap masa tu kat Adelaide Hills. Dia jawab:

Untuk khusyu' dalam solat, kita perlu fokuskan tumpuan kepada Allah.

Aku tanya lagi, macam mana.

By putting that in our daily routine; to remember Allah inside and outside salah. When your head has always been occupied with other things outside salah, u cannot expect u can simply switch ur mind to be khusyu' for Allah in the state of alone right?

Right.

Under pressure

2012-01-31T17:28:00.002+08:00

Ini bukan pasal lagu Queen.

Ingat lagi ni?

Sekarang boleh declare dan boleh tulis dalam resume:

'ABLE TO WORK UNDER PRESSURE'

alhamdulillah. ^^

muscle pain, saiko, masuk hospital, sleepless nights = berbaloi la jugak akhirnya.

Oh on another note, i got my holiday. Kalau cakap kemaman, people will say, 'what? kemaman? ada apa?'

And I will answer, 'ada pantai yang boleh diapungkan diri seterusnya sambil menikmati langit lazuardi' hoho

Awan

2012-01-28T16:52:00.000+08:00

Awan tinggi kurang komposisi
Awan rendah gelap menyelubungi

Aku berdoa awan tinggi akan perlahan-lahan terisi lalu turun membasahi bumi.

Exam tamat

2012-01-16T14:34:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah, exam tamat malam jumaat. Pagi sabtunya ke UM untuk discussion hal lain dan petangnya ke Muar mencari bangsa Melayu Jawa di sana sedangkan sudah berencana mahu mencari bangsa Melayu Jawa di Sijangkang.

Masuk kerja, semua kerja yang tertangguh disebabkan exam dan assignment dah mula menampakkan diri. Aigoo, kena siapkan minggu ni jugak.

Lately I've been thinking .. a lot.

And I derive to one ultimate conclusion.. I need a holiday.

Hopefully I'll be going somewhere next week. Dunno where but I hope I can go somewhere.

And for the time being, I'm craving for Doritos. Where can I find one here?

Jam biologikal sudah rosak

2012-01-05T12:15:00.001+08:00

Tahun 2009, aku pilih untuk buat kajian tentang tentang circadian physiology, dalam bahasa senangnya, kajian tentang masa dan fisiologi tubuh badan manusia.

Aku ingat lagi, antara sebab utama aku nak buat study tu, sebab keadaan circadian physiology aku memang tak menentu. Sejak zaman sekolah lagi, aku juara tidur dalam kelas. Kalau takat kena tegur dengan ustazah or ustaz tu memang tadehal la. Yang paling dahsat, the only thing yang aku ingat dalam kelas adalah, bangun bagi salam kat cikgu dan bagi salam untuk cikgu keluar kelas. Antara dua occurence tu, aku memang black out, tak ingat apa. Tapi aku pon satu hal, lepas pukul 12 malam segar bugar macam orang baru lepas exercise. Study malam sampai pukul 3-4 pagi. Aku buat mende ni dari sekolah sampai la ke universiti.

Aku rasa one of the reasons was, jadual hidup kat asrama pack sangat. Kalau orang kerja, lepas office hour boleh balik rumah, rilek. Tapi sekolah asrama, hari-hari adalah kerja. The only time to relax is when u get back home. Tu yang bila balik rumah tidur macam tak ingat dunia. =.=

Anyway, antara research question aku untuk project honours adalah, kalau mismatch waktu tidur dengan waktu makan ataupun waktu berkaktiviti, anda berisiko untuk mendapat penyakit kardiovaskular. So, aku study the mice behaviour selama 6 bulan. Selain daripada tu, aku buat molecular work. Study the genes (especially metabolic genes).Ah, kalau korang follow blog aku dari zaman aku student, yang masa aku mereng towards the end of 2009, sebab molecular work la. Apekehei susah gila nak buat pcr menjadi, GexP bagi result. (Dah la 6 bulan macam nak gila jaga tikus, lepas tu buat molecular work lagi gila, natijahnya, lepas grad terus tukar bidang, tinggalkan makmal dan hidup dalam this 'soft science'. huha)

Sayangnya, result aku tak berjaya menyokong research question aku. Aku rasa kunci utamanya adalah; one of the method dalam experiment tu, aku buat entrainment phase, lebih kurang dua minggu. Dalam entrainment phase ni, aku acclimatise tikus-tikus yang baru lahir dan berasal dari Western Australia dengan new photoperiod. Dalam masa 2 minggu tu, tikus2 tu kena adjust biological clock dia dengan photoperiod baru (I think it was 8 hours of light and 16 hours of dark and vice versa.

Aku rasa, sebab adanya entrainment period ni, so tikus-tikus ni boleh adapt dengan new photoperiod and the new photoperiod did not affect their biological clock. The only thing they were tested on was the mismatching of the food and the exposure to the light.

Bottom line...

Dah masuk sebulan lebih aku tidur pukul 3 pagi siapkan assignment. Sekarang tengah exam period, so aku pon study malam2 sampai pagi. Ada beberapa kali aku tak tidur, siapkan assignment, lepas tu rilek2 drive pegi office. Tapi sekarang, aku jadi fatigue gile kat ofis. Baca journal seminit, doze off 5 minit, baca journal 5 minit doze off 10 minit. Seriously aku cam tak larat gile!

By writing all this, doesn't mean I am happy and proud with what I've been doing. In fact, my effort of studying biological clock kinda go to waste.

Aku rasa, mungkin... mungkin sekali aku perlukan entrainment phase. Oh, just so u know, the entrainment phase itu adalah phase yang paling rilek sekali dalam research. All I have to do was to make sure the chow and water supply are accessible to the mice.(tapi masa entrainment phase ni la tikus aku mati sebab botol air diorang rosak masa weekend. tengok2, bila aku sampai animal house je on the next monday morning, 2 ekor mati sebab 4 ekor yang lain jadi cannibal. heehhh)

Pendekkan cerita lagi.. I need holiday. Tapi aku ada paper presentation, submission and 2 more exam papers next week.

(T_______________________T)

Marriage

2012-01-02T01:49:00.001+08:00

When I saw Along put the ring on Kak Mawaddah, the first thing that came to my mind was...

'So they're moving to next chapter.. looking for the endless love.. and who can guarantee that other than Allah?

Which brought me to the image of Atuk Aki who visited Tok Wan's grave almost everyday without fail.....

2012

2011-12-31T16:35:00.001+08:00

Two years ago, i was on board, leaving Adelaide for good (?) and started the new chapter of my life. I was numb and dizzy at that time ( was trying to get away from the security with the extra loaded hang luggage. haha)

Now looking back, things changed yet I''ve met a lot of awesome people and reunited with more cool people in this new chapter. 2011 required me to be strong and yet I gotta keep everything chill under control.

urghh, MSc is freaking making my life miserable, but actually now I know that I do love all this pressure. psycho much?
Living in the UM college, which is one of my dreams since I was kid. (I wanted to go to UM since I was 11?) But now got back in Segambut with this one feature wall, pink in colour!
Had a better health regime (but it's deteriorating, thanks to exam and assignments) Transformation camp, jogging and dancing class FTW!
Along is married to his ex-classmate. (and I always thought that my sister-in-law is the prettiest since I was 9.. and used to hope that she could end up with my brother...) :P
Bandung was cool. And I was sengal as always. Went to Bandung with Intan's family but bought the wrong return ticket. But the silver lining was, I gotta spend time with my schoolmates who r studying in Bandung. K-ri, Yan, Zubed FTW! Cepat2 balik kawan2!
Tutoring is as cool as ever. Thanks to my coolness students! Oh, I freaking love Wednesday!!
I heart my family. And that's eternity.
And yes, I love to study.

Memories remain and future awaits to be conquered. Let's us hope for a better future, to be a better person and better life. Let's read more, contribute more, live with awareness and taqwa and let's strive for Jannah! Oh oh, let's travel more this year!!!

and yes, let's pray that there will be another graduation in 2012!

Alhamdulillah, thank you friends and family for making 2011 rawks!

Happy New Year everyone! (^___^) \/

oh, exam starts on the third... it's philosophy paper. pray for me ya?

p/s: to Ihsan, all the best dude. Please pray that when u come back, all of us who send u at the airport are happily married. hihi

The academics : Philosophy

2011-12-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

I told abah about my interest in studying philosophy, so he posed me this question;

Abah : Ahli falsafah suka kaji macam-macam. Contohnya, suka tanya pasal tuhan. Diorang tanya sejak bila tuhan wujud. Hah, cuba jawab..

Moi : Tuhan dah wujud sebelum wujud soalan 'sejak bila tuhan wujud'.

Abah : Ok, pass. Boleh study falsafah.

p/s: Abah has been asking this question since i was a kid and shared with us the answer. I hope he doesn't remember that.

The wedding + Deadlines = Nightmare!!

2011-12-22T01:22:00.000+08:00

Was doing assignment, mom came into the room and commented on the room's condition

mom: bersepahnya~ (looking at the papers bertabur atas katil)
moi: mak, mak rasa Einstein punya bilik kemas ke? I dun think so >:)
mom: itu orang gila, mana sama
moi: gila2 pon ade nobel prize koooottt
mom: dah dah dah!! tido tido tido!!

I . Need . A . House . Elf .

The first in the family

2011-12-17T14:06:00.002+08:00

Along is getting married tomorrow. Since we're on the groom side, there's nothing much to do this week. Tapi semalam we had kenduri doa selamat (which made me questioned, kenapa buat kenduri doa selamat tapi belum selamat kahwin pun lagi? heh)

Emi is not here and I can tell everyone is missing him. Asyraf, the young cousin asked, 'mana yang baju biru tu?' Referring to Emi in the family picture. Heh

Along just got back from Kemaman last night, just before the kenduri started. I got home right before maghrib.

I remember the first time Along talked about his decision on getting married. We were all shocked. I must admit that I was overwhelmed and cried that night (pls dun ask me why). I called Intan, Icah and even Nani for advice. Maybe because we haven't seen each other for years and learning that news is kinda shocking for me. And that's the thing with me, I seldom see us as adults. I always have this picture of me and my siblings playing around and getting fight with each other.(macam la sekarang tak buat mende2 tu lagi kan? haha)

But well, time flies. Along is now a MO at Kemaman, Icah is finishing her studies in Nutrition, Emi is miles away in Canada. Even TokWan, Wan and Ayah Cau are far beyond time and space. Things changed, so are we.

It's gonna be a bitter sweet experience. Surely I'm gonna be happy bila semua dah selamat and Along is married, but at the same time.. things are not the same.. i guess? Since Along and our future Kakak in law are not really 'bercinta', I don't know what to expect, I just pray for the best.

And on top of all, I got an assignment deadline on Monday. Urggghhhhh!!!!

It's life but I'm slowly detaching from it

2011-12-16T13:22:00.002+08:00

The other day, I called my coach, telling him that I could not wake up early these days. So he said to me that he's not that calculative and it is fine if I want to have a break from my weekly routine.

'It's life, Aini. Sometimes there are times when we are too busy and there are times when we kinda like have all the time in the world. You just have to go through with it and then get back to your old routine.'

But to be honest, at time like this, I'm lost in my thought. So I end up not doing things that I should be doing.

Yes, I'm studying things to understand the world. I'm learning policy, philosophy, ethics and their relation to science and technology. I'm spending most of my time to learn these ...but without knowing, slowly I've lost my soul too.

I keep telling myself, if this is not for the hereafter, all of this are nothing.

But I seriously think that I'm slowly detaching from my life and my family.

I used to hate those who are soo deep into their study and become nerd and have less human value, but I think my nightmare comes true...

I've become one of them.

Dear Allah, please show me the way.

Belajar untuk tidak mengambil peduli

2011-12-12T22:08:00.001+08:00

Kalau ada orang bawak kereta macam orang gila, buat apa nak susah payah sakit hati atau maki-maki?
Biar je orang tu bawak kereta macam jalan tu dia yang 'tar' sendiri.
Buat apa runsingkan hati dan sakit hati dengan orang yang kurang adab sopan macam ni?

Kalau ada orang yang suka malukan orang lain depan orang ramai langsung takde sensitiviit lepas tu gelak tak henti-henti,
Lebih-lebih lagi bila lawak kurang sopan itu disambut hilai tawa ramai
Biar je orang-orang macam ni,
Mungkin diorang cakap kau kurang chill dan tak cool
Tapi mungkin diorang lupa yang batas lawak itu perlu ada
Lingkungan sopan, agama dan prinsip bukan mende yang kau boleh buat suka-suka

Kata Lardelli dalam lecture genetix
Taburan genetik manusia adalah mengikut taburan normal
Mungkin ahli falsafah kurang bersetuju tapi pada aku, apa salahnya mencipta panduan selagi tak membebankan
Tuntasnya
Kalau kau nampak orang yang tidak bersopan
Kau redhakan sahaja
Sebab posisi mereka dalam bell curve hanyalah di lingkungan outer limit.

Mungkin Tuhan sedang menguji kau untuk menahan diri

Makanya, sila berdoa, supaya kau tidak jadi begitu

Juga berdoa untuk mereka tidak terus begitu.

It's the time of the semester....

2011-12-09T21:13:00.001+08:00

One thing about doing master by coursework, u have a lot of deadlines to be met by the end of semester. This semester I have my head wired with environmental ethics, history and philosophy of sc plus policy and management of sc & tech. Oh, don't forget about the subject that I'm tutoring, the introduction to sc and technology studies.

I had a presentation on Islam and Modernity last Tuesday. Probably I've poured too much effort for that hence now I left with -ve effort in my head. And yes, I got a presentation on Popper and Kuhn (the scientific revolution - scientific realism, rationality, progress towards truth)-- TOMORROW on SATURDAY MORNING. (the best part, i need to come early to open the classroom.)

And later, I should be submitting a 20 pages essay for that presentation and also a report on the IT revolution on Korea (will prolly compare Korea and Malaysia). Need to study the national innovation system, the network linkages, actors, building blocks etc etc. And by the end of the semester, there'll be another presentation on environmental ethics paper. And a write up for that.

Research proposal should be submitted by end of january, soon after the exam ends(exam will be from the 3rd of january till the 13th). Followed by a research proposal presentation for that.

And of course, Along's wedding will be in a week time. Plus for our side on the 25th.

At this rate, I wish I can scream this out loud, 'It's freaking easy to be a natural science student!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!'

Rambling incoherently

Hospital and Me

2011-12-05T00:42:00.001+08:00

I have this long history with hospital. I remember I was 5 when Abah had to take me to Pusrawi at 3 or 4 am due to severe asthma attack. Thank God all I need was the gas (i dunno the scientific name of that). Inhaler tak jalan at that time. I think there was few times when such thing happened, if I'm not mistaken la.

And then as I grew up, I would usually have a monthly visit to klinik akashah depan rumah. It cud either be asthma or cold.

Next when I got to boarding school, I was a regular patient at hospital seremban. Though some ppl view it as 'great-now-u-can-go-outing-day', I didn't find going to hospital every month as that exciting. There was this time when the school bus passed this 'lori bawak pasir' and apparently I think one of the big sand clashed the bus windscreen, the glass collapsed and a small tiny part of it got into my eye. As usual, it took me few seconds to realize what happened. (It's not like everyday u have plastic glass got into your eye kan?) So I just blinked for couple of times and it went out. Nothing serious. (I was cool kan masa sekolah? Kaelejyo? And still am. haha) Being sick at boarding school was never cool coz u have to go see the matron, fill up all these forms and stay at bilik sakit which sometimes ppl claimed to be haunted. Heh.

Then came OZ. I didn't fall sick that often except that I've been infected by many external organism. Be it virus or bacteria(helicobacter phylori was one of them). I've been visiting Parkland since first year(and to be honest, I sometimes got confused whether ppl were talking about Paklan the Fadhlan or the Parkland). Gone thru blood tests for several times, visited ED on weekends. Tiring but I'm not sick of it. Oh yeah, there was this one time that I think I got admitted due to stress(but I only realized that I was stress about a year later. heh) I was diagnosed with acid reflux. And that's where Farah got that Aini-the-Acid-Reflux nickname.

And tomorrow, I'll be going to PPUM, to be exact to see the specialist at ENT. Something wrong with my head.

The doctor who referred me said 'We just wanna make sure that it's not malignant'

Haha, thanks doc. I really need that. *sarcasm*

Maybe due to the frequent visit to hospital, I'm not that anxious. In fact I think these funny things on my head are just some mere inflammations. And I seriously hope this is not the post effect of that accident.

But to be honest, I actually love to see the doctors. Blame it on my science background. And yes, I love the smell of disinfectant and I looooooveee the 40% alcohol solution (in fact I strongly believe everyone should carry one!) But no, I dun find doctor will be a good candidate for the life partner thingy. (Along is a doctor and it is actually heartbreaking to lock the door after waiting for someone and the someone suddenly said, 'eh, Along mana balik harini. On call la.' Heh)

Orait peeps, I gotta resume reading this philosophical paper *pull hair*. Till then, pray for me. :)

Sakit tu kan kifarah dosa? ;)

update: Doctor at ENT said it's just an infection. Nothing to be worried about. ^_^

I am no longer the bitter Aini

2011-11-26T12:38:00.001+08:00

I am fan of Zee Avi, even when her name was KokoKaina, back in 2007-2008 .This used to be my favourite song. I even converted it to mp3 format.

Yeah, life was tough back then.

But hey, it has been like what.. 5-6 years now? Everyone moves on and I did struggle to get a grip and with Allah's help and supports from friends and yup, definitely the mice.. I think I went thru it well.

And you know what, I am now declaring that I'm no longer that bitter. (It has been few years now but having said it here is like making a closure for all the not so cool things.)

So yeah, let's sing the Moulin Rouge song.

Ilmu itu apa tanda harganya?

2011-11-17T22:32:00.001+08:00

Pada jumlah saintifik artikel yang dihasilkan?

Pada jumlah pengiktirafan yang diterima?

Pada jumlah pelajar antarabangsa yang berdaftar?

Pada jumlah pelajar yang mengagungkan bahasa luar tanpa menghargai bahasa sendiri?

Pada pelajar yang menanda araskan gred sebagai pengukur keupayaan diri?

Atau pada keraian ilmu yang diperoleh?

****

Langsung teringat status sahabat di facebook

Athirah Abu Bakar

Zaman Paleolitik.
Zaman Mesolitik.
Zaman Neolitik.
Zaman Logam.
Zaman "kau-letak-kat-Facebook-semua-orang-tau".

Aku tambah:

Zaman materialistik

Do u have the guts?

2011-11-17T01:23:00.001+08:00

Fikir lain

Mahu yang lain

Buat yang lain

Bila kau nak punya kekuatan untuk fikir yang itu, mahu yang itu dan buat yang itu?

Berhentilah berpura-pura weih. Sebab yang kau tipu tu diri kau sendiri

Novel

2011-11-15T13:37:00.001+08:00

Kau tahu kenapa watak-watak hero atau heroin (pilih salah satu) dalam novel terutamanya (novel melayu) lazimnya berkisarkan anak orang kaya?

Jawapannya, MUDAH

Mudah untuk dijadikan hero dan menyuap fantasi pembaca.
Mudah untuk disediakan fasiliti dan infra struktur.
Mudah dan tak perlu susah payah menambah plot-mana-nak-cari-duit-aku-nak-join-kapitalis-juga.

Ya, watak Nurul Hana Mohamad adalah anak orang kaya.

Friendship 2.0

2011-11-13T05:02:00.001+08:00

Should we feel hurt if any of our real friends unfriend us on Facebook?

Or block or maybe unfollow us on Twitter?

Somehow, all these new social networks have re-define the meaning of friendship. But then again, should we place the value of a relationship just based on a click?

At the end of the day, like I always say and I would like to remind myself again; Anything that we do in this world will be judged and questioned in the Here After.

Everything single thing.

Including our online activity.

Freedom

2011-11-10T01:38:00.003+08:00

Freedom said,

'Yes, u can have a taste of me.

And may your senses remember me good.

Coz I am never meant to be here for long.'

2 years later,

I am blaming myself

For letting the senses indulged the feeling

But not to evoke them

So that, it could remain here

If not forever but at least longer

Now it slipped away

Just as promised.

Post honours project - Granite Island, November 2009

It was a smile of freedom, with a taste of joy, relief and happiness.

But somehow the picture really illustrates the year very well.

At the end of the day, there was a ray of light

Shined on you, after all the hard works.

May I be granted with the same feeling,

If not,

Better

Qurban - Taqarrub

2011-11-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

Ibrahim is taken by Allah as His Khalil. The birth of his son tested the Khullah, until Ibrahim is proven to uphold the Khullah between him and Ismail, the sacrifice took place.

Love is to strengthen sacrifice, but people commonly sacrifice to strengthen love

Hasrizal Abdul Jamil

Salam Aidiladha

There's still a long way to go for PhD I

2011-11-01T16:18:00.004+08:00

Aku set cita-cita aku untuk buat phd sejak umur 7 tahun. I was fascinated with science, aerospace and chemistry. I've always pictured myself standing in a lab, wearing a lab coat, diluting chemical solution with goggle.

I was frustrated and a bit pissed off when Along managed to join Rakan Muda Sains because he was 12 but I was only 10. I think I made a call to the department asking why I couldn't join them.

Mak Ngah Rosmah who graduated in geology somehow inspired me to become a scientist. But when I saw Dr. Mazlan on tv, I know I need to be a phd holder. Since then I always have a dream of doing phd.

I know it's a bit shallow, but what do u expect from a seven year old kid who studied in a so-called rural school (yet my school is situated in KL).

But now, come to think of it.. I'm like

Like seriously Aini, why can't u just have a normal dream like normal girls?! Why can't u just dream about having a grand wedding, or living like super model ...or like anything. Anything other than PhD?!

Dear Allah,
Please lead me to the path towards jannah.

+ve

2011-10-31T01:16:00.005+08:00

Have just gone thru undergrads albums.

Suddenly it strikes me that;

I need to be positive. I must and I have to.

And so I will.

muscle pain

2011-10-31T00:30:00.004+08:00

I'm taking pain killer.

If I manage to survive by the end of the semester, remind me to add this to my resume;

'able to work under pressure'

I need to chant:

a) Jaga tikus lagi teruk. Honours year lagi teruk. Jaga tikus lagi teruk

b) Kiiimm Suhanmo Kobugiwa Durumi Samcho Gabja Dong Bang Sak ChiChi Kapo Sari Sari Saeta Wori Wori Seprika. Kiiiiim Suhanmoo

c) Subhanallah Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar

Rambling ...i've lost count of the part

2011-10-26T20:16:00.003+08:00

Bunyi rintik hujan jatuh di atap luar. Hari ni hari lesu, dari pagi hingga ke malam aku hilang semangat. Semangat yang hilang segunung harap oohh ohhh (wadehel aku tak tau lagu ni?)

Seperti yang dinyatakan dalam entri sebelum ni, aku kebuntuan idea. Mungkin ubat anti-histamine yang aku ambil petang tadi langsung merencatkan motivasi jiwa. Sedang aku menulis, langit malam mendung. Kuala Lumpur ditimpa hujan saban hari berturut. Perancangan untuk berlari-lari anak di sekeliling tasik varsiti kian tertunda dari hari ke hari.

Ini adalah waktu normal dalam setiap semester. Mengikut pola pembelajaran yang aku ikuti sedekad yang lalu, ini adalah masanya untuk aku ketinggalan dan tenggelam dalam khayalan. Tapi ini bukan zaman undergrad. Masa-masa senggang boleh diisi dengan mendengar kembali kuliah yang hilang tumpuan di dalamnya. Belajar sebagai staf sebenarnya menekan perasaan dan terlalu banyak 'expectation' untuk aku dukung. Selalunya aku bernafas kepayahan, penat.

Situasi berubah, tuntutan berubah. Di luar tingkap tiada lagi magpie bersama bunga lalang berwarna kekuningan. Di luar hanya ada batu bata berupa bangunan dewan kuliah. Kalau jendela dibuka, angin musim bunga sudah tiada, bunyi keretapi dari Australia Selatan ke Australia Utara juga sudah tiada. Toyota Camry 1986 itu juga sudah lama bukan menjadi milik aku.

Di luar sana hanya ada lagu sunyi. Yang perlu aku isi dengan motivasi diri.

Sumaiyah kata aku fatigue. I wish I can say that I've worked too hard. But I don't know what's the indication of working too hard.

All of sudden, aku rasa macam di OZ lagi.

Sendiri, senyap dan sunyi.

Hilang dalam ramai.

Tempoh hari Mad datang membawa perkhabaran yang tidak dapat diklasifikasikan. Jawatan aku akan dimansuhkan. Maksudnya, kontrak aku takkan diperbaharui walaupun masih berbaki setahun lagi. Alhamdulillah kontrak aku baru diganti julai lepas. Dengan kata lain, keputusan untuk mengambil 3 subjek semester ni bukanlah sepenuhnya kerja gila, maksudnya, aku sempat habiskan master dalam tutorship sampai semester depan. Ada yang bertanya, aku mahu ke mana selepas tamat kontrak.

'Backpacking!' aku jawab bersungguh
'Ke mana?'
'Europe!'

Aku tahu aku bukan macam Lucy. Pusing-pusing Eropah selepas habis degree. Ada banyak perkara perlu diambil kira. Hal keselamatan, kewangan, keberanian dan pastinya kegilaan.

Ah, backpacking mungkin jadi plan Z!

Jadi sekarang, plan A aku sudah boleh dipotong. Aku perlu merangka-rangka langkah supaya plan B lebih kemas dan viable. Atau mungkin, pilihan untuk masa depan perlu terus dibuka tanpa sebarang sekatan?

Dan waktu otak bercelaru inilah datang pula soalan dari student aku dengan tidak semena-semena;
'Akak takkan takde plan?'
'Plan yang mana? Phd? Kerja?'
'Yang itu lah. Yang itu.' Ujarnya sambil mengangkat kening.
'Yang mana?'
'Ala Kak, saya dengan Din, masing-masing sudah ada pacaran. Akak bila lagi?' (fyi, student aku ni indonesian)

Aku senyum, gelak-gelak.

'Kerja Tuhan kan?'

Kalau aku berlaku keji, mahu aja aku menjawab,'Helo, cari jurnal pun akak yang tolong, mahu show off dengan girl friend pula, duh! Anda baru 20! 20 itu masih muda!'

Tapi aku belum cukup kental berlaku keji. Hati hanya kental macam tauhu.

(p/s: Indra, kalau awak jumpa blog ni, jangan ambil hati. :P)

Thanks la Indra, buat saya lebih depresi lagi.

It's the time of the semester!!!

2011-10-26T15:06:00.002+08:00

It's the 7th week of the semester. And more deadlines are approaching.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

penyakit malas nak buat assignment datang balik!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Coz above all

2011-10-22T01:11:00.004+08:00

Dear students,

I need you to be more than a photocopy machine
Or even a scanner

You're alive
Not life-less

You're no human's craft
Neither artificially contrived.

You are not natural science
Not even social science.

Above all,
You're God's creation.

Sincerely

Your tutor

New thing

2011-10-20T10:49:00.000+08:00

Learnt shuffling on Monday. Just that very morning I told myself, I freaking need to learn how to shuffle.

I'm sooo gonna make my new room like a studio.

Waktu saya berumur 19

2011-10-18T20:42:00.002+08:00

Hampir setiap hari saya menjerit-jerit, mengapa perlu saya struggle untuk mendapatkan TER yang tinggi.

Bila-bila hujan turun, dari tingkap bilik A110, saya akan menggambarkan, kalau saya berusaha dengan gigih, tahun depan saya akan mendengar bunyi hujan yang turun di Adelaide.

Bila-bila saya tension, saya akan pergi berjalan kaki ke Sunway Pyramid.

Hampir setiap petang saya akan berjogging bersama rakan-rakan.

Hampir setiap petang saya akan menyusahkan Najlaa dengan soalan matematik yang tak dapat saya jawab kerana kecuaian saya dalam hal pengiraan.

Setiap pagi kami akan pergi ke kolej menaiki bas kangaroo.

Songs about Jane adalah album kegemaran saya.

Friendster was so the in thing, at that time.

Saya selalu merasa tensi kerana kawan-kawan saya bijak pandai belaka manakala saya macam sengal.

Saya selalu lupa bawak kunci rumah. (saya rasa saya pun masih selalu lupa bawak apa jenis kunci sehingga sekarang)

Saya macam struggle gila untuk siapkan internal assessment. Lalu saya asyik merungut, budak-budak yang ambil A-level sepatutnya bersyukur sebab diorang takde internal assessment dan hanya 100% exam.

When I was 19, i had a carefree life. All I wanted was to pass my matriculation and fly to OZ.

Well, that was me, back then.

Now, what is exactly in my students' head when they're 19?

You've been there, so what's wrong about being there again?

2011-10-08T21:19:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna say this like what i've said to myself 2 years ago.

This is all TEMPORARY

Once everything is back in place, I can sleep as long as I want, I can watch all k-drama and movies in the world, I can read whatever book I want to read and I can travel to wherever I want to go, this is just gonna last for 3 months.

Hang in there Aini. Jaga tikus lagi teruk daripada ni.

Hectic

2011-10-05T21:13:00.001+08:00

I know I should not complain. If this happened last year I would keep telling myself, 'This is not as bad as taking care of mice for 6 months, Aini. This is not as a bad as having no life except your mice. This is nothing to compare to your honours year, Aini.'

But yet, I still complain. Physically and mentally, I am exhausted.

To be honest, I seriously find teaching as a stress reliever. It is nice to have your student understand what you are trying to deliver. It is nice to hear that your student asked for more tutorial hours than the lecture (but I'm not supporting this idea since I have 5 classes every week which that will double my workload and I still got my master class to attend and prepare plus my project of course.)

I'm adapting to this hectic schedule but I keep on saying, this will turn out ok. I can go through this.

Can I?

Ah, taking care of mice(by taking care i mean, to feed them at 9 am and 5 pm for 6 months without fail), doing glucose tolerance test for 100 something mice and decapitate their head and dissect their bodies were much more difficult.

This, Aini?

This is nothing. YOU CAN DO THIS!

The first week

2011-10-01T01:39:00.001+08:00

It's the first week of tutorial. I'm tutoring 5 classes this semester. Not that bad? Well, wait until u see the new content that our HD is trying to imply. Plus with my crazy idea of taking 3 subjects this semester.... =.= Yup, I'm crazy, I know.

Like in most of tutorials, I wud ask their name and their major (since the subject is subjek wajib fakulti, so i have a various background of sc students). And then I asked them what are the things that they want to tell me. And it's a bit funny when almost in every tutorial, there would be students asking about they would like to know the status. So I went like,

'You mean facebook status or status status?'

Lame, I know.

So I asked them whether anyone of them is married and obviously none of them are, coz they're first year student. So I said, 'there you go, every one is single here. But i'm not sure about the available part. U have to ask around to know that.'

But now it strikes me that, probably the question was not for them, but it was for me.

Huh?

Lagged, I know.

Apart from that, they are few striking things in my classes,

A 26 year old guy who spent 7 years in UK and speak fluently with British accent ( I used to think that British accent is hot but not sure about this one. hahahah. *pray that they won't find my blog*), and he's doing his degree. Kinda interesting, i guess.

One male student who looks almost similar to Josh Duhamel. Yes, he IS that good looking.

One girl who looks like Fasha Sandha. Not a fan of her tho, but yeah.

All in all, this semester looks a bit interesting and I'm expecting the unexpected.

Well, that's about it I guess. It has been a pretty hectic week. We'll see how it goes. ^_____^ \/

Lurus

2011-09-16T00:34:00.001+08:00

Saya ini orangnya lurus
Oleh itu selalu telus
Hinggakan tak tahu mana satu yang harus
dikongsi atau disebar terus
Lantas saya dengan naif bertanya
sebenarnya di sini banyak rahsia ya?
Yang tua berkerut berkata
Bukan semua yang kita tahu perlu diketahui mereka
Bukan semua yang kita tahu perlu dirahsia
Saya mengangguk lurus

Saya ini orangnya lurus
Setiap butir kata guru saya pegang jadi pedoman
Bila belajar sejarah saya ikut satu satu buku panduan
Bila ada yang berkata kita tidak pernah dijajah
Seakan mahu menyuakan buku teks tingkatan 2
Bukankah di sini British hanya menumpang sebagai residen
Tidak pula kita mengiktiraf mereka penjajah Malaya
Jadi buku tak pernah salah
Yang salah adalah orang dahulu yang marahkan British kerana kuasa?

Saya ini orangnya lurus
Ditipu itu memang perkara biasa
Ditipu-tipu itu biasa
Cuma ditipu dan disakiti itu juga lebih biasa
Sudahnya saya terus-terusan sukar mempercaya
Tapi akhirnya tetap ditipu juga

Kenapa?
Sayakan orangnya lurus!

Saya ini orangnya lurus
Saya berdoakan rahmat-Nya terus
Juga hidayah yang tak putus-putus
Semoga jalan ke akhirat saya lurus

Demi masa

2011-09-04T02:48:00.000+08:00

Masa kat Adelaide, aku ade join usrah. Aku ingat lagi, masa tu belajar tafsir surah Al-Asr. Penyampai tu cakap, bila setiap ayat itu dimulakan dengan 'demi ...' maksudnya Allah bersumpah dengan sesuatu yang sangat penting dan hanya Allah sahaja yang boleh bersumpah dengan ciptaan-Nya.

Dan sepanjang cuti raya dari Putrajaya ke Pahang ke Putrajaya lalu ke Johor dan ke Pahang kembali menyebabkan aku berfikir.

Memikirkan mereka yang tiada. Menziarahi pusara nenda-nenda dan saudara-mara.
Berfikir, adakah hampir sama timbangan amalan sendiri jika dibandingkan dengan mereka yang sudah lama dimamah bumi?

Melihatkan yang masih hidup dan bergelut dengan usia.
Dulu, Atuk aku selalu bawak jalan-jalan. Beli udang galah dekat Jorak. Sekarang, kalau demam pun sukar nak bangun. Sesekali Atuk menyebut nama arwah Tuk Wan.

Heart breaking, i know.

Melihatkan Aki Pah yang dahulunya gagah kini jalan mengesot akibat gout.

Melihat mak dan abah yang dahulunya segak dan tampan kini mula kelihatan dimamah usia.

Melihatkan diri sendiri yang dahulunya tak tahu menyebut huruf R dengan betul (apatah nama sendiri dipanggil gughul), sekarang muda belia. Ada wang, tenaga dan upaya.

Melihatkan adik-adik yang berlari ke sana ke mari. Hidup gembira tanpa sebarang kegelisahan tentang masa hadapan.

It would be very selfish to ask the time to stop ticking. So that, Tuk Aki would stay healthy like he was before.So that, only the wonderful moments will remain, eliminating all the painful ones.

But that is against sunnatullah. 'Do not state the obvious', as Along said.

Masa akan terus berputar. Yang sakit akan mati. Yang sihat akan mati. Yang kecil juga akan mati.
Janji Allah itu pasti.

Demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia dalam kerugian. Kecuali orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh Dan yang berpesan-pesan kepada kebenaran dan kesabaran.(103: 1-3)

Eid mubarak, Taqabbal Allhu minna wa minkum wa kullu 'aamin wa antum bikhayr.
Mohon dimaafkan silap dan salah, zahir dan batin.

Eidul Fitr

2011-08-28T10:47:00.001+08:00

Fitr.

Fitrah.

Semoga kita semua menjadi manusia yang kembali kepada fitrah selepas sebulan berusaha menyucikan diri, bertaqarrub dengan Allah dan menjadi insan yang lebih baik.

Bila-bila family aku bercerita tentang raya yang lepas-lepas (ie, stuck dalam jammed or beraya rumah siapa), aku tak dapat join the conversation. Rupa-rupanya sebab aku tak ada di tempat kejadian. Abah cakap, '4 tahun tu lama. Lama sebenarnya.'

Dan aku segera menjawab,'Tapi rasanya macam dah tak ingat apa dah. haha'

hehe

Selamat hari raya aidilfitri kawan-kawan, sahabat dan seluruh umat islam. Memohon dengan seikhlas hati, agar kemaafan diberi kepada diri ini yang sering melakukan salah dan silap.

love this tweet very much:

RT @IslamicThinking: Eid is a celebration of your achievements in Ramadan. If you’ve done nothing, then there really is nothing for you to celebrate. #realtalk

Fanbois treat criticism of favorite brands as threat to self-image

2011-08-18T14:08:00.001+08:00

Fanbois treat criticism of favorite brands as threat to self-image

This applies to most of us. Be it apple or android users (or other brands). Ah, and also kpop fans.

Well, material does matter in this material world.

But not in the hereafter.

tiba-tiba

2011-08-18T11:09:00.002+08:00

petang itu di Wayville

Pintu gudang exam dibuka. Orang berpusu-pusu masuk. Aku, Terry, Damien (si-mamat-ensem -muka-macam-johnny-depp -bila-pakai-goggle-lab), Reuben dan Aishah masih duduk-duduk mengeliling meja.

Aku : Don't u wanna get in?
Terry : I rather spend the reading time reading all this notes.
Reuben :We're gonna die, man.
Damien :I haven't studied anything for O'neill part.(jangan pernah percaya mamat yang tidak diketahui kenegaraannya nih, kau tengok la sape yang selalu score high distinction kalau bukan dia tiap semester.)
kami : shut up.

Reuben : I'm dead.
Terry :Well, i'm in hell.
Aku : If u're in hell, where are we then?
Terry : We're all in hell, that's why we can see each other now.
(kami gelak gelak.Pak cik guard usha-usha. Kami ni,lupa nak exam agaknya. hehe)

14/11/2007

Tiba-tiba aku rindukan Terry, Reuben, Michelle dan semestinya the bestie, Lucy.

Orang II

2011-08-10T00:58:00.001+08:00

Sambungan kepada entry orang 4/8/11

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Ego, kibr.

Let's clean and purify our heart in this Ramadhan.

Hasad

2011-08-08T00:16:00.000+08:00

How to kill hasad in your heart

Pray for others
Only talk good about others
Always believe in Al Qadr

Rasulullah (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood." [Abû Dawûd]

Tazkirah jumaat

2011-08-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

Balai ilmu, API

Ustazah: Kita jadi perempuan ni senang betul nak kaut pahala. Kalau ibadah fardhu dan sunat tu memang terang-terang akan berlipat ganda pahala bila dilaksanakan dalam bulan puasa. Ini, kalau uruskan berbuka puasa untuk keluarga pon dapat pahala sama seperti seperti orang yang berpuasa tanpa dikurangi sedikit pun. Kalau menyediakan sahur untuk keluarga pun dapat pahala. Yang penting niat ikhlas. Malah, kalau suami pergi beriktikaf di masjid, kita yang perempuan duduk di rumah, duduk saja je pon dapat pahala. Duduk rumah dengan anak-anak, jaga rumah pun boleh dapat pahala juga. Senang sangat nak dapat pahala tu hadirin muslimat.

Ano 1: Uisshh, cam tiba2 rasa nak kahwin seh. Duk rumah, suami pergi iktikaf pun boleh dapat pahala tuu.

Ano 2: Haa, memang la. Tapi first thing first, kena kahwin dengan orang islam la. Kalau agama lain, memang tak aaaa. Ni pulak, nak nak yang rajin pergi beriktikaf kat masjid kot.

Ano 1: errrkkkkk

(macam kena panah sampai tembus ke belakang berulang kali)

("-____-)

Lee min ho-ssi !!!!! ( T______T)

The academics : a newbie perspective I

2011-08-05T16:14:00.000+08:00

It has been a year since i joined the academia. I've always wanted to write my thoughts on this so called scholars and knowledge world.

So here I am, hoping that I will continue writing my insights on the academia. I will try my best to be as impartial as I can yet as personal as I can be. (howizzat?)

Since I'm rushing to the curve for breakfasting with few friends, I'm gonna leave this entry with this sentence;

The academia is actually an escapism.

orang

2011-08-04T17:14:00.004+08:00

Bila rasa ada orang buat perkara yang tak bertimbang rasa, mulalah buat muka tak puas hati;

'Ah, that is just me, ok?!'

Hati nekad nak sembur ,

'Lain kali jangan buat macam tu lagi boleh? Don't talk about things that you don't know! Like... seriously?!'

Tapi bila fikir pros n cons, lagi banyak cons.Kalau sembur orang, sendiri jatuhkan maruah diri, sendiri dapat dosa, sendiri cari gaduh.

Bila lepas geram, mulalah cerita balik apa yang jadik. Minta nasihat kawan-kawan. Waktu tu baru terfikir.. 'sesungguhnya aku berpuasa. kena sabar'

Tapi bila fikir-fikir balik...

Macam dah terlambat nak cakap 'sesungguhnya aku berpuasa.' Dah lepas geram, valid lagi ke nak cakap macam tu?

Bila bengang dengan orang, fikir balik, kita pernah ke buat orang macam tu?

Come to think of it... orang, memang akan terus berbuat apa yang dia nak buat. Sebab kita pun kadang-kadang macam tu. So, jangan jadi macam tu. Kena ubah. Sangat perlu kena ubah. Tapi orang, kita takkan boleh ubah. Yang kita boleh ubah adalah kita. Diri kita; cara fikir, cara pandang, dan cara terima.

Puasa.... definitely helps to reflect your soul.

let's live happily and gratefully

2011-07-27T13:48:00.000+08:00

Life is full of choices, hopes and ambitions.

May we choose the best path that leads us to Jannah.

Life is great, when u have faith and hope.

Happy belated birthday, Ai Ni-ssi!

2011-07-25T03:09:00.002+08:00

The last time I got my hand wrapped with bandage was due to the chronic eczema. (why would i need bandage for eczema in the first place?) That was in... 2002?

A week has passed, and I can truly say that I'm loved by so many people. And for that, Alhamdulillah.

Terima kasih untuk manfaat dan pengajaran, semoga semuanya berguna di masa hadapan dan hari kemudian.

p/s: siapa kata mengemas tu tak merbahaya?

Hari yang cerah

2011-07-18T14:49:00.001+08:00

Jerebu

Ozon dan sulfur dioksida di ruang udara

Hidup terus tanpa jangkauan di balik jerebu

Mendung

Suria terlindung

Biar sahaja matahari

Kau jerit kau tunggu hujan

Rindukan ozon selepas hujan

Bahagia?

Cerah

Beserta angin menyapa diri

Langsung terimbau musim panas di sana

Lalu datang harapan seperti suria yang lama dilupa

Cahaya tak pernah padam

Walau berulangkali cuba dihadam hilang

Harapan dan berharap

Cuti 2.0 (huha!)

2011-07-03T00:44:00.002+08:00

Cuti aku berbaki sehari, iaitu hari ahad yang sememangnya cuti umum. Kontrak tutor aku tamat 1 julai lepas, sudah diperbaharui april lalu. Tapi terima kasihlah bahagian bendahari, rindu-rinduan pulak pada hamba yang baru bercuti satu hari lantas memerlukan hamba memandu kereta dalam keadaan marah-marah dari putrajaya ke kampus jumaat lepas yang lagi satu. Alasan mudah, kontrak tamat, sistem tak update, maka perlu dapatkan gaji melalui cek. Burn cuti satu hari...aigooo! (Birokrasi berjela-jela, tapi urusan tak centralised, ape cerita?)

So, apa berbuat cuti ni? Di jabatan tengah riuh, KJ lama berangkat ke Melbourne, KJ baru menduduki takhta. Ada staf lama berganti.

Aku?

Hampir setiap hari menelaah jalan-jalan di sekitar Pantai Dalam - Putrajya - Puchong. (Seriously, adalah sangat costly kot duduk kat Putrajaya ni. Sebab pergi mana-mana cam jauh je. Minyak dah le mahei. Kalau dok KL, satu bar minyak boleh tahan 2 3 hari, tapi kalau dok Putrajaya, satu hari boleh habis 1 bar. Adoilaaa) Sambil-sambil memenuhkan aktiviti harian di empangan putrajaya ke pullman lalu ke pusat membeli-belah. Baru hari ni aku berehat betul-betul. Huha

Dan tadi, memandangkan aku berseorangan di rumah, tertekan remote lalu tertengok la berita di waktu perdana. Boleh tak semua berita dok sibuk cerita penangkapan mereka yang menghasut orang ramai untuk menyertai perhimpunan haram minggu depan. Bosan dengan saluran media prima, aku tukar channel rtm, daymn, berita sama! Tukar awani pon sama, tukar alhijrah pun sama. Cam kambeng, sme berita sama, baik buat 1Berita je Malaysia ni.

Walaupun kecoh giler kat twitter pasal orang tu kena tangkap sebab pakai baju kaler 'bersih', tapi ingin sekali aku bertanya kepada mereka yang menangkap mereka yang dikatakan penghasut tu,
'macamana awak tau dia hasut? awak nampak ke mulut muncung-muncung macam mami jarum tengah menghasut? ke macam iklan kat tv yang dok ulang tayang setiap hari sampai orang pon terpengaruh lalu pergi membeli barang yang diiklankan di tv? what if kalau orang tu sebenarnya suka spongebob squarepant? hah, pe cer? pe cer? kaler dah same. haaaaaaaaaaaaa'

Sorry la, aku tau la berita tu penting untuk orang-orang berkepentingan, tapi aku dok tunggu la bila headlines kat Malaysia ni nak kembali berpaksikan rakyat jelata. Udah-udah le berita politik yang ala-ala budak tadika, or berita keuntungan blabla or berita pasal orang besar, berkereta besar, berumah besar pergi jalan-jalan ataupun cerita orang songlap duit or jenayah. For once Malaysia, boleh tak cerita pasal rakyat? haih~ penat la camni.

Ni nak dekat perhimpunan bersih ni, teringat lak aku kat zaman perhimpunan bersih masa 2007. Pergh, that was like...(kira sat) 4 years ago dude. Ni nak election baru ni, orang pon demand untuk bersihkan pilihanraya. Langsung teringat kawan aku yang tak daftar pengundi tapi tiba-tiba nama naik sebagai pengundi masa last election. Niceeeee-se! Aku yang semangat-semangat daftar pengundi, tak kuar lak nama, again, Niceee-se!

Dulu masa kat over the sea, berkobar-kobar, berapi-api marah kan pemimpin yang tak adil. La ni, cam lowpro je masing-masing. How leh? What happeng?

Aku rasa yang aku boleh conclude, once aku balik Malaysia, aku kena deal with my own life, kerja, family. Kalau kat OZ boleh la nak cakap berkobar-kobar, tapi dulu aku jauh kot, apa je yang aku boleh buat?

Sekarang, when I'm in the circle, aku buat apa yang boleh. Tapi nak pergi tahan kereta pembesar-pembesar kat jalan lalu guling-guling dan golek-golek buat mogok cam bodo plak rasanye. (Tapi kalau jalan tengah jammed, ada lak orang-orang besar ni jalan dengan polis escort lalu menjadikan jalan lebih jammed, aku rasa cam nak pecahkan je tingkap diorg tu. Kata bekerja untuk rakyat, kamon lah! Jam lah bersama rakyat! Apa barang boleh lepas jam? Rilek aaaa bro, takkan lari rumah agam yang dikejar.')

By this time, aku dah start menyampah dengan politik Malaysia(which I have my own theory about this), dan hanya mampu jadi pemerhati. Bila minyak naik, kita kurangkan jalan-jalan. Bila gula naik, kita tengok istana negara yang baru belakang rumah..hihi.. Bila perbelanjaan diumumkan berjuta-juta dan masa tengah berjogging kat putrajya dan ternampak lampu pecah, fasiliti yang tak berguna dan hanya nampak lawa, aku pon teringat masa kelas agama kat skolah dulu

'Zalim bermaksud - meletakkan sesuatu bukan pada tempatnya'

Papehal pon, aku sokong apa-apa yang suci lagi menyucikan. Mana-mana yang muntanajis, please voluntarily functions as a lysosome. Go kill yourself.

p/s: ambik ko rambling sambil raging. huha!

Cuti

2011-06-27T22:27:00.000+08:00

Aku bercuti dari dunia akademik untuk tempoh 7 hari bekerja. Cukup tanggal 2 julai, genaplah setahun aku bergelar pekerja.

Waktu ini, A.Samad Said adalah antara top trending topic untuk Twitter di Malaysia. Seorang manusia rawak bertanya, 'apa ajalah jasa Samad Said selain menulis karangan yang bosan dan panjang dan wajib dibaca oleh pelajar sewaktu di bangku sekolah.'

Aku rasa, persoalan ini adalah sama sewaktu aku masuk ke kelas pertama subjek perbandingan falsafah, ' Kenapa perlu kita berbicara dan mengupas 'apa itu kelestarian' (sustainability) secara falsafah sedangkan para saintis yang berada di lapangan mereka masih terus-menerus bekerja tanpa memikirkan itu semua? Dan ahli pemikir hanya akan terus berfikir dan bercakap tanpa sebarang kesan kepada masyarakat, apatah lagi para saintis, kan?'

Dua soalan yang bunyi yang berbeza, tapi ruh nya sama.

Yang aku tak faham

2011-06-21T08:44:00.001+08:00

Ada banyak benda kat dunia ni yang aku tak faham, mysterious.

Aku tak faham, macam mana kita boleh marah orang gila-gila dan melampau dan kadang-kadang syaitan berbisik untuk melakukan perkara di luar dugaan.

Tapi esoknya kita boleh maafkan orang tu. Malah hidup bahagia je.

Aku seriously fail bab perasaan ni.

Antara anyer dan jakarta

2011-05-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

The post has nothing to do with the title. Except for the last word, Jakarta.

I'm off to Jakarta tpnight. It's gonna be a 5 days trip with Intan n co. Will be going to Bandung tomorrow.

Passport - checked
Clothes - checked
Tiket flight, boarding pass, tiket skybus - checked
Playlist on mp3 - Big Bang and others - checked
Books to read - Kalau tak sombong pun tak apa n Outliers
harap takde apa2 tinggal lagi. ^^

Doakan ketenangan dan keselamatan di sana.

Ikhlas

2011-05-19T02:09:00.000+08:00

Macam mana nak ikhlas? Bila hidup penuh tuntutan dan kehendak.
Kalau masing-masing ada pendapat dan masing-masing mahu didengar dan dihormati?

Aku belajar dulu, jangan banyak bercakap.
Mulut ada satu tapi telinga ada dua.
Banyakkan mendengar kurangkan berkata.
Tapi kalau masing-masing menjerit mahu meraja?

Hidup perlu selfless.Jangan selfish.
Tapi mampu ke hidup selfless bila ada naluri yang perlu dituruti?

Kita bukan tak ada agama.
Takkan mahu ikut turutan Aristotle?
Letakkan paus bersama susunan manusia?
Tuhan kata, Dia yang Utama.
Rasul seterusnya.
Ibu kemudian ayah.

Apa harga ilmu kalau kau pilih kuantitatif untuk sebut harga?
Adakah kau mangsa atau kau memilih menjadi pemangsa?

Mungkin perlu dibawa lari, hati yang hitam pekat berdaki.

Sinusoid

2011-05-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

Ini mungkin analogi yang tidak tepat. Mungkin disebabkan ilmu hisab aku makin menipis, kali terakhir aku belajar ilmu hisab secara formal pada tahun 2006. Yang lain adalah applikasi ilmu hisab dalam makmal ataupun perkiraan statistik oleh Encik SPSS untuk kajian metabolisma mus musculus. Atau mungkin yang terbaru, kira-kira markah pelajar tahun satu untuk subjek pengantar pengajian sains dan teknologi. Anyways..

Aku masih ingat, salah seorang guru yang memperkenalkan aku dengan sinusoid pernah memberitahu, hidup ni macam sinusoid wave, ada turun ada naik.

Waktu tu aku kurang percaya. Aku percaya sama ada hidup ini linear ataupun exponential. Kau perlu faham, laluan hidup aku dijaga rapi (alhamdulillah) dan kurang bermasalah. Pada aku, sama ada kau naik terus atau kau naik dan mencapai plateau. Kalau kau turun, kau perlu berusaha untuk naik. Ideal bukan pandangan aku tentang hidup waktu tu? Jadi masa tu, aku kurang mengerti erti turun naik hidup ni.

Tapi....

Bila makin berusia, makin besar tanggunjawab, makin banyak pancaroba maka makin besar kemungkinan untuk bertambah dosa, aku lebih menghayati kata-kata cikgu aku tu.

Hidup nampak cantik tapi hakikatnya sinusoidal. Kadang di atas, kadang di bawah, berputar menurut arus lalu hanyut terus.

Ya Tuhan, tolong tunjukkan aku jalan beserta kekuatan!

p/s: selamat hari guru dan selamat hari ibu. ^^

Eczema de Examo

2011-04-25T23:46:00.001+08:00

Satu

Minggu lepas lepas aku keluar pergi Gudang Tengah Lembah. Lepas kena tinggal sorang-sorang, aku masuk Kedai Badan. Beli barang yang dah 18 bulan aku cakap aku nak beli tapi akhirnya terbeli pulak. Baliknya terus apply kat mata barang-barangan khas untuk mata.

Keputusan: Mata aku bengkak. Dah masuk dua minggu. (Well, sebenarnya seminggu dah surut, tapi lepas tu aku pegi pakai balik dengan harapan konon-konon bukan barang-barangan mata tu yang buatkan mata aku bengkak. Tapi itulah hakikat yang perlu ditelan. But don't worry, sebulan lepas ni aku pakai balik. lalala)

Dua

Musim peperiksaan bermula di kampus Universiti Malaya. Semester lepas aku sengih-sengih je tengok student amik exam, aku jaga exam, aku kirakan markah exam.

Semester ni?

Lepas habis exam ethics n sociology tadi, barulah aku hargai jawapan-jawapan student aku yang diorang susah payah perah otak untuk letak dalam kertas jawapan itu sebenarnya memerlukan usaha yang bukan sedikit.

Tiga

Eyebag aku makin besar. Ditambah dengan eczema kesan alahan barangan mata. Bila orang ofis tanya,

'Tu mata bengkak tu sebab kuat study ke?"

Aku malas nak explain panjang-panjang.

"Ha ah"

Kalaulah diorang tau betapa tah papenye cara aku jawab soalan exam tadi.

T_T

arsenal vs liverpool

2011-04-18T00:35:00.001+08:00

Am watching football game atm. Carragher is injured, d game has stopped for few mins.

I guess,arsenal has lost their momentum in d 2nd half. Yet, they still need to finish n keep on rolling.

This really makes me think bout my life,atm. At first i thot the spirit will live, at least till may, but who knows all these hiccups are really distracting n disturbing.

I reckon, i need to get up and keep on running. Tasks are waiting to be attended, notes are there, patiently waiting to be digested.

And trivial stuff? They can go die or kill themselves. Hey, try to function like lysosomes. U'll do good for the human kind.

It's the matter of preference

2011-04-15T10:50:00.001+08:00

It's like between Daesung and Taeyang
How jazzy and soulful voice Daesung has
How adorable and quirky he can be
How he fits into every criteria of my dream

But my heart just goes for Taeyang
For no reason
Coz that's what my preference is

Just like between belgian chocolate and vanila flavour
Yes, belgian chocolate is expensive
But I'll just go for plain vanilla
coz that's what my heart finds best

So it's like
There's a handsome cool guy with flashy car and a lot of money with hell accomplished job
But I choose the ultimately different one

Coz that's how my preference is
Coz I prefer u.

The one that is yet to be found

Prospectus

2011-04-14T19:43:00.001+08:00

I'm helping a lecturer in preparing the department's prospectus. Well, more like proof reading and translating here and there ( we need to prepare English and Malay version).

Since they usually have all this bombastic words like 'menjana aspirasi kepimpinan bla bla bla' so it's kinda difficult to me to translate it in english. Urmm.. translating is not the problem, for me, it's kinda a bit difficult to make justice of the words in translating them.

So, I make a short cut by looking at overseas uni's prospectus (hoping to make use their wording). Haruslah looking at Adelaide uni. And apparently, reading the prospectus that shows uni adelaide pics, the north tce campus, the waite campus, pictures of adelaide....

I can see the adelaide oval!
Rundle Mall! Toys r' us!
CATS!!!!
Med school!
Waite campus!

Urghhh...

That is not helping at all. In fact, it is very distracting.

And heartbreaking.

Hujung semester

2011-04-10T11:05:00.002+08:00

Bila hujung semester tiba, mulalah assignment datang bertimpa-timpa. Deadline beratur, satu-satu amik turn untuk membunuh. Presentation bersusun lepas soghang-soghang.

Dulu masa kat Adelaide, aku selalu gila kot rasa tension. Sambil buat assignment sambil jerit-jerit. Sambil buat assignment sambil bukak radio kuat-kuat dan siap pasang subwoofer. Lagu pilihan selalunya lagu-lagu yang menghentak kepala. Jalan-jalan kat uni, dah tak nampak orang dah, nampak assignment ataupun tikus-tikus.

Kalau sekarang...

Aku tak buat semua tu dah, cuma buat dalam skala yang lebih kecil. Aku jerit dalam kereta sorang-sorang masa driving, aku pasang lagu sorang-sorang masa driving jugak ataupun pasang highest volume kat office tapi dengan headphone. Jalan-jalan kat uni nampak assignment je, dah tak nampak mende lain. (Aaahh, sebab tu kot kena pukul aritu? Kasik otak centre balik? Kot?)

Ayat yang aku selalu keluar bila time macam ni adalah, 'Aku nak nanges! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Kenapa aku kena buat assignment? Whyy?? Porque? Pour quoi? Waeee?? Limazaaa??' (tapi so far belum pernah nanges lagi aa)

Sebab kau yang daftar untuk course tu la,bengong. Mana ada orang yang paksa kau. So kalau kau nak salahkan orang, sila salahkan diri sendiri.

Pendek kata, itu adalah nasihat ayah dan mak aku

'Ada siapa-siapa paksa buat honours?'
"Siapa yang nak fly sangat dulu? Dah elok-elok belajar kat Tangkak, pergi Taylors pulak. Buat je lah'
'Siapa yang nak pergi Australia dulu?
'Siapa yang nak sambung master?'

....

(bunyik cengkerik)

Jom la, sambung buat assignment!

These are the days...

2011-04-07T22:31:00.001+08:00

Found a way to release tension ;

Singing my heart out, along with the rock song while driving home

The people in the car next to you might think you're crazy but wth, you won't see them tomorrow or the day after (hopefully.....)

I seriously miss the festival state!

Bezanya belajar di Malaysia

2011-04-05T02:12:00.003+08:00

Ini entri emosi.

Jam menunjukkan hampir pukul 2 pagi. Aku cuba lelapkan mata, tapi dari tadi, kata-kata maklum balas yang aku terima untuk presentation malam tadi ternginang-ngiang di telinga. Macam ada tape rosak, atau pun cd cetak rompak yang berulang-ulang bergema-gema memperdengarkan suara yang sama.Ikutkan hati mau aja aku tekupkan kepala, biar hilang nafas langsung dibawa pergi suara yang bergema..

Aku cuba analisis. Memang benar salah aku. Mungkin benar aku yang salah arah tuju. Lagi tepat, aku masih memerlukan galah untuk mendapatkan buah cempedak di luar pagar.

Tapi, ini suatu kejutan budaya. Sungguh!

Aku cuba-cuba membandingkan, apa bezanya di sana dan sini. Seingat aku, the 'harshest' word yang pernah aku dapat di sana adalah; 'you should read more.'

Kata-kata seperti ; 'No, you're wrong. It shouldn't be like that' adalah payah benar untuk aku dengar. Tapi sekarang, aku perlu menelan kata-kata tersebut.

Bukan, aku bukan cengeng. Jauh sekali mempan kritikan. Cumanya caranya di sini sangat berbeza. Sangat berbeza.

Aku akur dengan kesilapan dan kelemahan. Nama pun belajar, wajiblah ada salah silap. Salah silap lah yang mengajar.Kalau perfect score, bosan kot. Aku bukan budak star, aku sedar hakikat tu sejak dulu lagi.Sebab tu usaha adalah perkara wajib untuk orang macam aku.

Tapi aku sangat terkesan dengan cara. Ya, cara. Cara di sini lain sekali. Cara di sini... seperti... haih~ Tak ada kata-kata yang sesuai untuk aku perikan.

Tapi, bila difikirkan kembali, mungkin ini adalah sesuatu yang baru atau sesuatu yang lama yang perlu aku biasakan kembali tetapi penting sekali untuk aku jauhi? Ah, culture shock adalah sangat tidak best!

Reaksi abah bila aku membebel-bebel sambil memeluk tiang seri di ruang tamu.

'Siapa kata belajar kat local uni senang?'.

mengharap senang dalam berjuang, bagai merindu rembulan di tengah siang.

An accident to be told

2011-03-28T20:18:00.022+08:00

I guess by now, some of u might have known what had happened to me on last Sunday. At the moment, I'm still a bit overwhelmed. At first, I thought I was fine.. but I'm not really sure now.(For those who don't know, I was involved in accident -- can I call that as an accident?) Anyway..

It was just another ordinary Sunday; except that I had a wedding to attend and as usual, I had a plan on going to UM (yeah, I've been doing that on every weekend for the past one month or so). So while waiting for noon to arrive, I did some household and had my assignment planned in my head. (I got presentation for my ethics class on Monday). By the time it was 1230 pm and I was fully prepared to make my move to Mazuin's wedding, my friend who was supposed to come with me was not ready yet. So I waited for her at my house (at the mean time I read materials for my presentation). I had this hunch while reading, something is about to happen, that's why Allah plan for me to come late. I dunno, it was just a hunch.

Later, we both went on our own car (coz I planned to be there about half an hour so that I could be at UM by 3, so she can stay longer if she wants). We chose to park our car at the other street of Mazuin's house. Every corner of the road was fulled. Once we've parked our car and catching up with each other, we headed on to Mazuin's house. I remember, Yati was asking me whether I would be involved with the long holiday semester and I said yes. I told her that it is one of our government strategiess to attract foreign students to study in Malaysia....

And then..

There.

It happened.

All I remember,it felt like something slammed me, heavily. The thought that I had in mind was 'Oh, macam ni ke rasa orang accident, kene langgar.'

Everything seemed white for a few seconds and my vision went blurry and shaky. I was about to trip but I managed to control myself from falling. The wedding present that I had in my left hand fell (so Mazuin, if u read this, in case if the iron is not working.. now u know why), and I saw the motorcycle passed me. 'Oh, aku bukan kene langgar ke?' It all happened in a few seconds, like lightning.

Then Yati came to me, asking whether I'm fine.

The first thing that came from my mouth was, ' Apa jadi? apa jadi? apa jadi?' <-- bengong tak? ko yang kene pukul la Aini.'

Then I felt like my head was heavy, it stings, but in one short word.. I was BLUR. Completely blur.

A guy came from his house, asking what happened, probably he heard me screaming (even I did not realize that I screamed). Yati told him what happened, ada orang naik motor (aku pun tak sure berapa ramai... kepala dah bengong) lepas tu hentak kepala aku dengan helmet, lepas tu blah. Kalau Yati takde, konfem aku pon tatau yang kepala aku kena hentak dengan helmet.Then I checked my handbag (thank god we both had our handbags on our right side - not facing the road).

So sebenarnya diorang nak ragut, tp handbag kat the other side. Diorang cuma sempat hentak pale aku ngn helmet saje. So basically, diorang adalah bodoh. (well, if they're not, they wouldn't choose to be snatch thieves kan?)

Lepas beristighfar and still shocked, aku macam.. blur gile. Hahaha, seriously blur gile. Yati tanya, nak pergi kenduri ke, aku cam.... 'ermm, pergi je la kot? dah kat sini? nak kene bagi hadiah ni.' (seriously aku rasa nak gelak bila fikir2 balik). Boleh tak, masa tu aku fikir... camne aku nak buat assignment? Saiko!

Then we headed to Mazuin's house, letak hadiah, jumpe Athirah and update facebook status and finally duduk dengan kawan-kawan sekolah rendah. We sat there and did nothing for about 5-10 minutes. Yati was shocked too. Haruslah kan, since she saw everything that happened. Then the guys advised us to go to the police station and hospital. Aku siap google nak pegi balai polis mana. Zai came later to join us, and lepas tu baru la aku amik makanan. Boleh tak, aku siap discuss2 pasal reason orang meragut which relates that with the socio-economy disparity in Malaysia, the political stuff, and Istana Negara (wth). It's either I am naturally a saiko nerd or my head is working extra after being smacked by the snatch thief.

Later, we went to send my car home and Yati drove me to the police station. Yati said that I was calm all the way, but I think I was more like.... blur and just did whatever I suppose to do. Next we went to the A&E dept at Selayang Hospital. Trust me, the number of people there is almost equal to the number of people at LCCT. I was like, diorang ni tengah pergi picnic ke apeee??! Waited for about an hour, got checked and was asked to go for head X-ray and the results showed that my head is fine. Alhamdulillah.

I remember while waiting for my turn at the hospital, I started to get grasp of myself and asked Yati..

'Sebenarnya, apa yang jadi?'

I'm slow. I know.

Then we headed home, Along was concerned and asked me to go to sleep (that is not something usual btw), and mak and abah was away at kampung ( I only told them what happened when they were in KL).

Emi and Icah called while I was rushing to the police station. Besties called all day, asking how am I (because of the facebook status-- now when I think about it, I was completely blur when I did that).

So now, I'm currently.. good. Can I say good? There are few bruises on my head. (Now when u think about it, that is why Allah asked women to cover their head, to reduce the impact of such things!) Went to clinic, and I'm on physiotherapy for few days.

Every time I close my eyes, I cannot stop thinking about the accident. I cannot sleep like normal since the head left side is badly bruised. But, I also cannot stop thinking of the hikmah of this event. I believe that what happened is the best plan that Allah has for me. Maybe, it is for me to think about my priority? I've been working and studying so hard these days. Like, study is the center of my life.Or maybe, I should be more extra careful. I should not be too 'berani'. Precautions need to be taken, every single time.

Or maybe.. I should appreciate myself more. When I think about it, the fact that the guy smacked my head with a helmet, it could cause more severe injury or I could have died. But praised to Allah, He saved me. For all the sins that I've done and yet still given chance to live and well.. I dunno. It's just cannot be described by words.

Or it could be kifarah dosa.

I don't know.

For the time being, all I know is that, I'm saved and Alhamdulillah for saving me.

I'm still shock ( a not so cool part is i saw a helmet fell on the road in front of me while I was on my way to the clinic this morning -- Yati told the police officer that the sound of the hit was like a helmet falls on the floor)

All in all, thank you for your concern. I pray that all of us will be protected and hopefully we'll be more extra careful. Seriously, thank you.

p/s: ramai orang sayang saya sebenarnye. ^^

The world we're living in

2011-03-26T01:05:00.020+08:00

I was a bit emotional while discussing about nuclear power plant in my class last Thursday. Since this week is the presentation week, one of the groups was presenting their studies on the effect of nuclear power plant.

Right after having Q&A session, I opened the floor by asking them, what do they think about Malaysia's latest plan; building a nuclear power plant (from what I heard, it will be built in Alor Setar).

By throwing them the real case scenarios like what happened in Chernobyl and Fukushima, discussing about how nuclear radiation can affect ur genetic make up (Biochem - Lynn Rogers n Tony Fratini! yeay!) and how will it affect ur generation (I just saw the so-called Chernobyl legacy pics. They r all heart breaking!), and the never ending solution on nuclear disposal, somehow I managed to trigger their interest and get a good response (mind u that this is 1 pm class, where other students are usually at cafeteria).

One of them said that, they will support the plan, if Malaysia can prove that they have the best expertise for this plan. And I answered them by asking.. let's just look at trivial stuff.. like how about we look at our sewage system? What about all the holes that u can get in the main roads in Kuala Lumpur; those are not even taken care of, and now Malaysia wanna go for nuclear power plant?

How about the collapse stadium? The collapse hospital? The collapse court?

Can u imagine a collapse nuclear power plant? I would rather not!

Before I ended the class, I said, all I wanted was for them to think. To see an issue with knowledge (and that's the reason why we have the subject in the first place - Sc & Tech Studies) Not to just attend uni for 4 flat and that's it - tutup buku, tunggu study week baru bukak balik. They will be entering the real world soon, so 4 flat will mean nothing by then.

And then I had this lunch talk with my colleagues, what can we do? Having our own awareness, and try to trigger ur students awareness.. and then what? What can I contribute to the society? Let say, if I manage to publish papers in international journals and then what? Fine, I'll get money for that, I'll help to increase the uni name.. Then what? Will 'they' take up my idea and put into action??!

At the moment, all I can do is do my job well, study like crazy (even crazier than undergrad!) and...

i dunno.. dead end.

But at the end of the day, I know that He sees all these. It's not about what u can achieve, it's about what are ur efforts. And those are the things that will help u thru the other world. That's why He said, this world is nothing than just a 'playground'.

From Him we ask forgiveness. Allahu'alam.

Bukan murah

2011-03-21T00:39:00.002+08:00

Bila semakin dewasa;
prinsip diduga,
iman diuji,
tekad terkadang kabur,
masa jarang mencukupi.

Lalu diri selalu bertanya, kenapa Tuhan? Kenapa?

Kerna yang sebenarnya, harga syurga dan redha Tuhanmu itu bukannya murah.

Irama dan kamu

2011-03-16T01:01:00.005+08:00

Pernah tak korang kaitkan sesuatu event dalam hidup korang dengan lagu?

Aku selalu.

Ok, maybe bukan sesuatu event, it could be weather or any situation.... basically anything. Berikut adalah contoh-contoh untuk aku:

1) Tercipta untukku - sentimentos (Autumn, 2007)

Cuba korang bayangkan, korang tengah jalan slow-slow, dalam suasana mendung selepas hujan (atau bakal hujan), daun-daun gugur kiri kanan, jalan basah. Sambil layan lagu yang bagi harapan. Bunyi gitar yang selow melow marshmallow buat korang rasa nak senyum sorang2.

Tak ke?

2) Lonely soldier boy - Gear up for study, hoh! (Final exam, especially winter!)

Buku susun cun-cun kat tepi. Pasang speaker siap dengan yang kotak gedegang-gedegang tu (mende korang panggil mende tu? amplifier? mende ah?lama dah aku tak pasang mende tu. gile ko nak pasang mende tu dlm rumah ni? kalau kat adelaide tape la. haha) pastu ikat kepala cam ala-ala orang jepun, nota biochem kiri-kanan, post it terabur sana sini-sambil pasang lagu ni kuat2.

Pergh, study masyuk kot! Terus semangat baca pasal RNA translation, RNA transcription, pasal virus- Baltimore's.. Kepala hangguk2 macam dalam gig.

Serious semangat gila nak study. Muahahah!

3) Inni Akhafullah - Sesungguhnya aku takutkan Allah (Flerieu Peninsula, 2006)

Ku menjauh, tak mahu kutempuhi perjalanan yang suram ini. Ku menjauh, daripada ku teruji.. apa yang tidak pasti.

Mari menjauhi maksiat. hoho

I dunno bout u guys, but kalau aku, bila-bila aku dengar lagu-lagu yang signifikan, the old feelings akan datang menerpa. Macam .....u can feel the situation. U can remember every single word that was said for that particular event. You can feel the chill breeze of autumn, or the anxious feeling while studying during swotvac, or the hatred and the urge of running away from maksiat.

So yeah, this is how I keep memories in my heart, probably because I am a person who is very analytical with music and lyrics. Of course I can go on with the list but these are some of the prominent ones. Well, these should be enough.

Anyhow...

How about u guys? Any particular song for any particular event?Let's share them with me. ^^

Apa yang aku rindu

2011-03-13T13:37:00.000+08:00

Aku rindu nak drive kereta
4 5 jam dalam jalan yang lurus
Kiri kanan tanah gersang lagi kontang
Matahari kat atas terik bersinar
Langit biru luas terbentang

Aku rindu nak berjalan-jalan
Cari angle yang best
Tangkap gambar banyak-banyak
Dengan kawan-kawan yang cool dan selamba

Aku rindu
Nak duduk kat cafe sambil layan lagu jazz
Dalam suasana mendung macam winter
Sambil baca buku cerita
Tade mende nak beratkan kepala

Aku rindu nak naik kapal terbang
Aku rindu nak berrihlah dengan kawan-kawan
Aku rindu nak tengok pantai
Aku rindukan ketenangan tanpa deadline dalam kepala

*menghela nafas panjang*

Tolong cakap kat aku yang keserabutan ni semua sementara
Migrain yang datang hari-hari ni akan pergi jua
Sesak dada ini akan berhenti berkunjung setiap senja

Tolong ingatkan aku yang ni semua ujian untuk aku menambah pahala!

Love at the first sight? No?

2011-03-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

Last week, during Research Methodology class, I was introduced to see innovation system and policy in a different perspective. Frankly speaking, I've always hated anything related to policy, economy. So that's y i classified innovation system as the same cluster as policy and econs - BORING~!

I dunno whether Wong did a good job in delivering his lecture. But one thing for sure, I was fascinated with innovation system. It feels like, u're falling for something that u don't know. You're afraid of knowing and going deep about it yet u can feel something is attracting u towards it.

It feels like.. falling in love at the first sight? (Trust me, I've never gone thru this.. so i don't exactly know how does it feel like)

Like in movies or drama or even novels, where u have this man sees the woman for the first time, and he just like.. BANG! He let his life turns up side down because of her. The next thing u know, the guy is tailing the girl all the time and even tho he keep saying that he doesn't know why he did that, but he would like to know about the girl.

As much as I hate 'love at the first sight' thingy... I think I just did the same thing. Went all over the place to get the book that the lecturer recommended. As far as Subang Jaya on weekend, dude. (Yes, aku tade mood nak berjalan2 sangat lately. Tgh saving... haih~)

So yeah, let's just wait see, whether I'll end up having an establish relationship with these innovation system and policy. Or I might just have to stick with scientific communication, doing a research on measuring the awareness of health campaign. (Which I thought at first i love this scientific communication... but apparently.. i'm not really sure now).

Till then, let us do some reading.. shall we?

Reflect and retrospect

2011-03-02T22:55:00.001+08:00

I don't know about you guys, but I've come noticed how the content of this blog has become more and more personal these days. And sometimes, I tend to retract the post that I posted (coz while driving to the office, I was like... what the heck was in my mind? Why did I post that? OMG Aini! Poyo! Loser! -- but then again I was like.. duh, u've been poyo all this while kot?) Good thing about blog is, it is not like 'terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya' but it is 'terlajak type kat blog boleh delete jua'.

Come to think of it, this blog has been through a lot. I used to be an attention seeker . And u wonder why did i choose to be a tutor huh?(esok menyesal la letak mende ni. lalalala). It grows old with me, since my second year in Adelaide (i had a previous blog with blogdrive tho), few encrypted entry which told u that ..'dude, i was sick. i like u. but u like other girl. oh my god im so stupid' or like 'wth with the politics in malaysia' or like 'honours year and the mice are stupid. but i am more stupid coz i chose to do this. but hey, i need to do this.' or maybe.... 'yeah, i'm bored.' So now, the tone is more like... 'yeah, i'm working. but i'm happy. so yeah'. haha

So, I think.. I need my serious tone back.I've always wanted to write about serious stuff again.. but I was like... hurrrmmm, baik aku tulis artikel dari tulis blog. hahahaha.

So, for the time being... just bear with me (tu pon kalau ade orang baca la. haha)

I need to reflect and retrospect.

From uni to 9 Devonport Tce

2011-02-08T00:06:00.001+08:00

It's 2 o'clock in the morning, the winamp is playing Buble, Dream a little Dream of Me. I cudn't sleep but I have this visual playing in my head:

Marching out the green uni gate

Walking on the bridge over Torrens River

Slowly walking across Adelaide Oval

The soccer team has never been appealing to me, dunno why.

Passing by the shops at North Adelaide

Always wanted to stop at the flourist, but never did that

Had a peek at a bar at the end of O'Connell Street

Dunno why I always did that. haha

Walking across the park towards Adelaide Aquatic Centre

It must be Maroon 5 or Buble was singing on the mp3

Sometimes it could be Dygta or Ungu

Kpop was never in the playlist during that time

Suju who?

Waiting for the green light to cross that busy Fitzroy Tce

Walking down the hill towards Churchill Rd

Lavenders were blooming, bees were flying

I bet they will always be except for winter?

'there's a lavender scent in your action', remember?

The train stop was never busy

Sometimes the trains stop but most of the time they don't

Passing the blue house and finally reached the red house

And by the time I got in front of the door I realised..

I didn't have the keys with me.

'Aishah (or sometimes Intan), awak kat mana?'

-_-

Soalan! soalan!

2011-02-01T22:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, saya ada satu soalan:

Sebagai rakyat Malaysia, adakah anda terkesan dengan kempen-kempen kesihatan yang dijalankan? Sila nyatakan ya atau tidak. Sila sertakan penjelasan untuk jawapan anda. Terima kasih. ^^

Used

2011-01-31T07:08:00.001+08:00

Definition:

abused, exploited, took unfair advantage of. [derogatory]; to perform habitually; to be accustomed [to doing something]; That is or has or have been used; That has or have previously been owned by someone else; Familiar through use; usual; accustomed
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/used

I'm used to be used.

Merci Mon Adieu pour l'illumination.

Au revoir. Et non, ce n'est pas a bientot.

^^

Fairy tales

2011-01-21T22:15:00.001+08:00

As a normal kid, I read quite a number of fairy tales. But as far as I remember, I rarely believe in any of them. I didn't really fall for the typical story line where there will be a knight in shining armor comes to save you from whatever haywire life you have. I think fairy tales portray woman as powerless, have no control in their life and so much dependant and submissive to their fate. So yeah, I was not really fond with fairy tales.

But I remember feeling traumatized (?) after watching a low budget cartoon of the little mermaid when i was.. probably around 5-7 years old. The ending is heart-wrenching where the little mermaid chose to sacrifice herself and let the prince lives happily with the princess. I hate the ending though, it's contradicting to most of the fairy tales. I think it is harsh for a kid at the age of 6. But when I think about it now, I think is kinda realistic. You don't usually get what you want in this life, no?

So I guess, I've been living my childhood life with the thought of not really fancying fairy tales. Not until I found Ever After when I was around 14. I think this is one of the cool version of Cindarella. This Cindarella is real, stands up for herself but sometimes she did give in for inevitable condition (so somehow, it is still the story of a rich guy with a poor girl.. hurmmm)

So maybe this is one of the zillions reasons why I love Secret Garden? (is this soo out of topic? lol!) hahaha. Though the premise of poor girl with a rich guy is still there, but the approach of the drama is so realistic(apart from the body-swap-thingy). One, it acknowledges the difference social classes between the guy and the girl. Two, the girl is cool, like deadly cool. But the most important part is, it is about girl power. The girl in the story is so ambitious and knows what she wants in her life. Just like what real life is, as long as u work hard and believe in yourself, everything will come ur way. (And obviously I have other reasons to go spazzing over this story over and over and over again?) ^^

And for that, I'm probably not gonna read fairy tales to my kids. That's if I have any. haha

^^ for my chingu

2011-01-18T16:51:00.004+08:00

There are not many people who can really listen to you. Put up with all ur ramblings at crazy hours, at critical time. (Be it when u were head over heel for someone who’s doing architecture at Sydney ^^ but at that time u were supposed to struggle with your thesis). Or people who can understand ur feelings better than urself, coz u usually confused with your feelings (or love being confused).

Or people who can bear with ur blunt and sharp yet honest words.. I think those came from my ignorant and innocent sides. Or should I call myself a complete clueless person who doesn’t know that she is hurting people? (hint hint)

But as one of the science theories, all species evolve, and so do I. From being naive, pretentious to be macho and finally accepting... ‘hey, it IS cool to be and act like a girl, u know?’

For that, komawo. For being with me, through hard and happy and mostly crazy time. For all your time and company, I truly appreciate them. We might get into fight or bitterness in the future(hope not)... but I hope I won’t forget how amajing my friends are.

You're amajing ioja-ya!

Saranghae! Saranghanda! (take a deep breath and drive the luxurious sports car towards storm.....

bichigenne!)

Love is...

2011-01-09T12:20:00.001+08:00

I know I hardly or barely write anything on this topic. But I think I need to type this out.. Or maybe, somewhere in the middle of the week, I might get back to my senses and wipe this out.

Love is natural
It is not something that I need to keep reassuring myself about
or something that when I'm in front of the person,
I keep on saying this to myself 'I'm here, because I think I love him.'

Love is not something that I should do,
It's about something that I want to do.

Love is neurotic and fatigue.

And that is why..
I believe I was never in love.

But how reasonable, realistic or sensible I sound when it comes to this thing.... ( u know how I always hate people who goes head over the heels for someone)

Deep down, I always want to believe that this magical feeling does exist.
Though I know, it would hardly come true.

"people loves to associate pain in the chest, butterflies in the stomach, day dreaming, anxiety, adrenaline rush, body trembling with love, but I just call them neurotic and fatigue"

ainishamsi, jan 9 2011

It's the irony aini, remember?

2010 - the transition year

2010-12-31T23:11:00.004+08:00

At first, I thought I would feel nothing about this whole new year thingy. Not till I got home after our family dinner.. suddenly I have this ... sad feeling (?). I don't know why.

Aku pernah breakdown sekali kat airport sebelum balik untuk holiday masa first year. Masa tu, aku sendiri tak tahu kenapa. Bila aku fikir-fikir balik, mungkin sebenarnya aku rasa sedih nak tinggalkan apa yang ada masa tu, sebab aku tahu, by the time aku sampai Adelaide balik next year, things would never be the same again. And in the end, ramalanku benar belaka.

Ah well, aku akan tinggalkan 2010. Overall, I think 2010 was a definitely a good break and a transition year for me.

31 Dec : Touched down in Kuala Lumpur. Adios Adelaide.

Jan - March : Bulan bermalas-malasan. Nak cari kerja pun malas gila. Duduk rumah sambil layan kdrama, reality show, CSI overdosed. Gile bahagia hidup

March - June : Started my job quest. Siapa tahu, the first interview is the job that I really wanted to do. Aturan Allah, siapa tahu kan? Apart from that, aku mengisi masa lapang dengan interview. Masa tu, seriously hobby aku adalah pergi interview, sebab kalau duduk rumah pon bukan buat apa. Macam-macam interview kot aku pergi. RA la, lab technologist la, customer service exec la, secretary la, RO la, tutor, lecturer. To be honest, aku memang lagi banyak reject kerja dari accept kerja(gile memilih!). hahaha. saja je amik peluang pergi interview untuk jalan-jalan cari pasal. Serious time ni kadang-kadang ko rasa down, lonely. Tu sebabnya tiba-tiba aku gi propose orangtp kene reject.. hahahahahahahaahhahaTapi memang best la dapat abang keje as houseman, sebelum tukar rotation, aku dapat menumpang pergi holiday free. Pulau Pangkor, Pulau Perhentian. (aku tak pernah pegi pulau kot sebelum niii).

July : 2nd july, started my first job. Masa masuk kerja, student cuti. Memang hampeh bosan gila. Pergi isi masa baca prospektus uni...nerd. Tapi dapat berkawan dengan ibu-ibu muda. Coolness. ^^ Oh, oh.. and WORLD CUP BEBEH!

Aug - Nov : Kerja, kerja, tutorial, study untuk preparation mengajar. Tough? Tak se'tough' jaga tikus la. Tapi best jugak la, sebab antara cita-cita aku masa kecik dulu adalah nak masuk UM. Though this isn't what I dreamed for, but it is better! =)

Dec: Student cuti, aku pun tak ingat apa aku buat kat ofis. HAHAHAHA.

So yeah, that's roughly how my 2010 was. Weight has been fluctuating, did not involve with anyone or any mouse this year, crazy over few kdramas (Boys over flower, We got married, Coffee Prince, Personal Taste and definitely SECRET GARDEN!!), had more kpop in my playlist, Mix FM breakfast turned out boring towards the end of the year ( I used to love Ferhad and that lady... sape eh?), develop interest in make up and more girlish clothes in wardrobe ( even i cannot believe this!), went for swimming class (and i haven't been swimming for the past 2 weeks... urggghh!!) apa lagi eh? Optimus One? HAHAHA (Secret gardeners alert!)

So azam tahun baru?To lead a healthy lifestyle! =) Lagi...hurmmm....menjadi lebih berpengetahuan! Definitely! Can't wait for the master class (though most of them will be on 6-9 pm from Monday to Thursday T_T)

To my family and dearest friends(u know who u r, org yg selalu buat bil tepon aku tinggi, ke sbb aku yg selalu call korg? hurmmmm).. thanks for always be here. For u to be able to put up with my madness, that's what I call true love . muahahahahahahahah!! >:D

Anyway, all the best to all of us. Let's strive for the day after! By saying this, let us reflect on things that we did throughout this year... Will they help us to go thru sirat and straight to Jannah?

.....

See u guys in 2011. May u will be blessed!

Should I be enjoying this final moment?

2010-12-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

Student start cuti last week. Tapi since diorang study week lagi aku dah mati kutu, taktau nak buat ape kat opis.

Aku bukan keje cam cikgu. Kalau cikgu boleh aaaa nak dok rumah masa student cuti. huhu

But fikir2 balik, i should not complain. This will be the last time untuk aku rasa unoccupied. Once the semester starts, bukan student je yg kene diajar, aku pun akan start kelas master aku.

Am I ready for this? IDK. Lately I've been thinking, macam mana nak usaha gila-gila lepas tu biar duit masuk macam air. MLM or anything similar are just not my cup of tea. Or in other words, KO NAK MATI?

So yeah, I'm thinking about investing. But prior to that, haruslah ada duit untuk invest. Hahahaha. Nak invest dalam property, aku tak minat.

Cakap pasal duit, kemahuan, kehendak, keperluan, sampai bila takkan habis. Manusia angan-angannya tinggi, cuba kau cerita pasal mati, konfem mati terus semua angan-angan tu nanti.

Kids nowadays

2010-11-21T01:36:00.000+08:00

It isn't cool when the boy (who is 10 years younger) that u used to juggle and play around with, is now wearing a belt buckle with obscene words on it.

Or keep on texting with the girlfriends 24/7.....

Or, cute little girl in primary school is confessing her love to her bOYfiE on FacEBoOk (for god sake, she's like only 10 y.o!)

Now, is it me or are these things are normal actually?

For real, what is blogging? - unpublished post -

2010-11-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

Tempoh hari, aku usha draf yang dah jadi pekasam dalam blogger akaun aku. Ada banyak entry yang aku sendiri tatau bila masa aku tulis, kenapa aku tak publish etc. So, aku rasa, apa salahnye aku publish entry2 tu. huha.

Hari tuh, aku berborak dengan Tyrah pasal blogging. Nyatanya, dia menyokong pendapat aku yang blog aku dah tak semeriah dulu. Tambah dia lagi, blog aku makin dipenuhi dengan perkara-perkara yang hanya difahami oleh aku dan manusia di sekeliling aku. Aku pon berkira-kira mencari asbabun marsumun kenapa aku dah makin 'reserved' (yes, our buzz word for today is reserved ye kawan-kawan).

1. In some ways, aku sendiri dah tatau, mana mau letak the boundaries.

Macam dulu aku main type je apa aku nak type. Aku hangen ke, aku sedeyh ke, aku kuciwa ke, aku gumbira ke, semua la aku nak kongsi. Pasal kelas, kawan-kawan, opinion, semua aku nak tulis. But then aku mula terfikir, makin banyak aku tulis, makin aku sedar betapa aku men'jeorpadize'kan diri. Orang boleh nampak kelemahan emosi, fizikal dan how immature i can be. And aku pon terfikir, sapekah mau membaca ayat-ayat yang aku type nih? Macam loser yang mencari attention pon ada.

2. Blogging and chatting are addictive.

Haha, ini lawak. Dulu, aku ada satu pendapat bahawasanya siapa-siapa yang luangkan terlalu banyak masa dengan internet adalah manusia yang takde life. Tapi end up, aku lak tergolong antara manusia-manusia tuh. Memang tuhan tuh selalu menguji kita dengan apa yang pernah kita lafazkan. Kesannya, aku kurang memberikan perhatian kepada manusia sekeliling. Sampaikan kadang-kadang aku terlebih memberi perhatian kepada manusia yang boleh aku klasifikasikan sebagai 'unreal'. Sehinggalah seorang kawan baik aku menasihatkan aku, katanya, "kalau betul pun awak nak menjadi seorang yang mengambil berat terhadap orang lain, jangan lupa hak kawan-kawan di sekeliling awak juga."

3. Hidup ni, bukan untuk aku 'please' kan orang-orang yang aku tak kenali.

Ayat kawan baik aku tadi dah cukup terang.

4. Sometimes, blogging does consume a lot of time.

5. Blog adalah satu dimensi hipokrasi?

Blog ni pada aku adalah ruang yang dinamik. Yang boleh kau isi dengan apa-apa sahaja. Dengan erti kata lain, kau berikan satu gambaran tentang diri kau. You would write things on how you want people to see you. Jadi, dalam blog ni, kalau kau tak kenal aku, aku rasa kau akan anggap aku perempuan yang berumur 22 tahun yang belajar di luar negara yang gila-gila tapi mempunyai pandangan tentang sesuatu tapi masih gila-gila. Sebab itu yang aku cuba gambarkan tentang diri aku di sini. Tapi yang benar-benar mengenali diri aku hanyalah rakan-rakan yang di sekeliling aku. Tapi tuh pon bukan 100%. Ya, aku kan 'reserved' (buzz word mkay?). Bengong, kalau reserved,ape kejadahnye aku buat blog? Dalam erti kata lain, dalam blog ni, kau boleh menipu. Kau tipu diri kau atau orang lain. Ah, pendek kata kau menipulah.

6. Attention seeker

Mengisi blog dengan apa jua cerita yang macam best untuk dibaca. Sebabnya? Perhatian yang diidamkan jarang diperolehi daripada rakan-rakan. Mau bercerita bahawasanya 'akulah gadis kupu-kupu malam' atau 'aku lah gadis alimah solehah yang gemarkan novel pop ataupun nasyid pop' atau mungkin 'aku lah manusia yang suka membaca dan hebat' atau mungkin juga 'aku manusia riang ria tanpa masalah dan suka melihat alam'. Kau isilah dengan pelbagai cerita yang mahu kau isi. Hijabnya jarang terbuka bila kau jahit rapat-rapat kainnya.

Kesimpulan?

Yes, aku dulu jahil dan naif. Aku dulu mencari perhatian manusia luar. Aku dulu addicted dengan internet. Aku dulu manusia yang cuba mahu dilihat gadis berumur 22 tahun yang belajar di luar negara dan gila-gila tapi masih mahu dipandang mempunyai pendapat tentang sesuatu tapi masih gila-gila.

But you know what? I'm done with that. Dan jujurnya, dunia maya ni lebih hampir dengan hipokrasi dan beberapa manusia yang diselebungi depresi.

Anyway, terima kasih kepada manusia-manusia yang terlibat sebagai tenaga pengajar dalam episod aku yang loser lagi naif. Aku akan terus belajar dan menulis. Dan mungkin untuk beberapa waktu, aku akan menulis berdasarkan sebab-sebab yang aku senaraikan tadi.

Well, itu aku. Korang lak macam mana?

24/11/2008

Aku rasa entry ni lahir daripada kekecewaan dan ketidak puasan hati terhadap beberapa blogger yang pernah aku jumpa. Sebab tu aku macam.... bunyik cam bengang pon ade gak dalam entry ni. haha

Me; now.

Pada aku, setiap orang ada macam-macam pendapat masing-masing. Ada yang menulis untuk berkongsi, ada yang menulis sebagai attention seeker. Niat masing-masing, hanya Allah yang tahu. Aku sebagai pembaca, akan mempunyai pandangan sendiri berdasarkan pengalaman dan pengetahuan yang sedia ada, tapi selalunya semua tu limited.

As for me now, aku berblog untuk melepaskan gian menulis dan kadang-kadang berkongsi. Aku dah tak kisah siapa audiens, yang penting aku masih boleh menulis.

Dan seperti soalan aku dua tahun lepas; Korang pulak macamana?

Eidul adha

2010-11-16T20:58:00.001+08:00

Takbir bergema, bersahut-sahutan dan berterusan, secara langsung dari surau-surau dan masjid yang berdekatan.

Raya haji kali ni, takbirnya bukan dari senarai playlist winamp laptop lagi!

Salam eidul adha buat semua, semoga takbir yang dilafaz dan didengar ini bisa menggetar hati dengan penuh kehambaan.

Dulu, waktu ni...

2010-11-15T23:19:00.001+08:00

Aku ada habit suka bandingkan keadaan diri aku dalam sesuatu waktu dengan tahun-tahun sebelumnya.

Contohnya, macam entry-entry ni:

Tapi aku rasa, ada perkara penting yang selalu aku lupa nak bandingkan....

Aku lupa nak bandingkan tahap iman aku pada sesuatu waktu dengan tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Seriously aku tak terfikir.

Not until petang tadi. Tiba-tiba aku terfikir, 'oh, dah nak raya haji dah ni. Tahun lepas aku buat ape eh time raya haji? Tah-tah dok marathon nur kasih. Gile loser tade life.'

To be honest, aku pun tak ingat ape aku buat time raya haji hari tu. Tapi bila aku check balik, aku ada entry ni time raya haji lepas.

Setahun dah berlalu, apa aja pengorbanan aku untuk Tuhan yang satu?

chick lit n perempuan

2010-11-14T01:04:00.004+08:00

A : ko ade chick lit yg ko leh recommend kat aku tak. yg witty but funny yet charming and cool. not losers

B : uhh

A : sophie kinsella is out

B : criteria ko cam susah je nk please. i liked kinsella

A : aku ngntuk bace org yg byk fantasize n bodo. hahaha

B : ko gi bace cite boring je aa. u're too serious for chick lit

A : hey, aku tgh bace lovely bones pe

B :that's not chick lit, that's fiction

A : ok. ala, takkan tade chick lit yg perempuan dia tak bodo. chick lit punye perempuan seme bodo2

B : chick lit comes with the fantasising. that's what chick lit is. ko nk cite ppuan pndai bace selfhelp book.

A : HAHAHAHAHAH!! mcm cis kek!

B : what's the point jd pmpuan pndai . sume nk ppuan stupid gak in the end, lg sng handle ma.

A : erkkk.. bodoniiiiii

It has been a year

2010-11-13T08:59:00.000+08:00

It has been year. Since this .

Am questioning myself what have i done for the past one year.

Anyway, to my juniors who have received ur honours result; congrats! regardless the class that u receive, u shud be proud that u managed to go thru that hellish honours year. =)

'Awak lain, awak kebal.'

2010-11-10T23:52:00.006+08:00

Timeline: Somewhere during summer holiday

Latar cerita: I had feeling for this one macro organism (when i say macro, it means real macro! dude, he photoshopped his look so that he wud look as micro organism! Now, who's the real moron? The one who believed people who photoshopped their looks or those who photoshopped their looks? Both are moron, I wud say).

So yeah, back to the previous sentence, I had feelings for this macro organism. And apparently, I have this weird style of mine which that, I tend to look cool and cold whenever I'm with people that I like. Thus my real feelings were never written clearly on my face (or body language). So, the macro organism was talking about this girl who kinda showed her interests towards him. So he said;

Macro organism : She sms me everyday. Siap offer nak top up lagi. Kalau tak jawab call, merajuk. Kalau tak jawab ym, merajuk. Haih, susah betul.

Moi : Oh, I thought I did almost the same thing to u? (yes, I said it coldly. not the part top up and merajuk of kos)

Macro organism : AWAK LAIN. AWAK KEBAL.

And that was it.

By the time I heard those sentence, I so knew where my place was. So he proceeded, talking about another girl that he liked but she had never really showed any interest.

Macro organism: That girl is soo like jinak-jinak merpati. Macam awak jugak, kebal.

Moi: Kebal-kebal pun, dia perempuan jugak. (Yes, u shud know whom I was talking about.)

So I went back home. Broken heart? U bet. So I called few friends, told them about the story. And when I was looking for words of wisdom, a very good friend of mine said this to me;

Chadi : Nasib baik dia cakap kau kebal. Cuba kalau dia cakap kau BEBAL, mana lagi teruk? At least kebal lagi ok dari bebal.

LOL! Hampeh ko Chadi!

Consequences : Grateful that I was rejected. Allah knows best.

The gym

2010-11-01T23:56:00.001+08:00

Pardon my English, I think it is degrading day by day.

Went to a gym last week, just to look around and see if it suits my needs. Yes, I miss Fernwood dearly. For those who don't know, Fernwood is a women's health club franchise, available all over Australia.

What's so cool about Fernwood? One, it's a ladies gym. Two, it has a lot of cool group fitness classes. Three, great people as their instructors(I miss Fiona!), and definitely, the main reason why I said yes on the day I walked into the gym is, it has prayer room!!

Before Fernwood, I joined Fitness first. Fitness first was lame, they should change their name to Finance First coz all they care about is your money. No one will look after for you, show u how to use the gym equipments, and plus, since it's a unisex gym, i found it very uncomfortable.

Next was, the Curve. The idea of working out in 30 min, with circuit plan was cool at first. But later, due to logistic and the so not challenging environment, I found it boring.

Gym or generally exercising in OZ is a lifestyle I would say. You can easily see anyone's running along the Torrens River during the lunch hour or even at Rundle Mall.

But here in Malaysia, gym (or working out generally) is not something that is normal. There was a time when I changed to my jogging clothes right after the office hour and about to start my running, one of my colleague blurt out this question publicly in front of everybody,

'Eh, nak pergi mana tu?' Where r u going?
'Jogging.'
'Kat mana?' Where about?
'Dekat sini-sini je' Just somewhere around here(UM is such a nice place to jog, u can choose the lake or the hill. =) )
'Oh, nak kurus ke??' Oh, u want to be slim is it?

WTH?! I found the last q is sooo humiliating. After that, the colleague kept talking about my body in front of everyone, like;

'Oh, you should lose your love handles.'
'Oh, you look bigger in that clothes.'
'Oh, you look sexier in that clothes.'

For god sake, is that even your business?!! Dude, I do admit that I am overweight. But I have more reason to workout other than to be slim. My family has a metabolic diseases history, surely I would want to avoid that, helooo? This is about living a healthy life, reduce the stress level. I studied biochemistry and did a study about eating right and sleeping right on 150 mice. (yes, writing all these really show that I am mad!)

Not that I'm saying that u cannot do your workout on your own, but I find group fitness class (lesmils club's classes especially) is very challenging and interesting. I've been jogging, swimming, playing wii fit and sometimes do the aerobic, but I came to the point of... gosh, I miss body attack class, body combat class etc etc.

So yeah, I went to one of the gym near to my house to get some info. All I can say that, it looks scary to me. The gym looked like it is for the urban people with the upbeat music and fulled with the bodybuilders.The sales person is nice though. I would say super duper nice which really made me hardly believe in anything that he said.

'You sound like an ustazah.'
'Your handwriting looked like there is a standard font that u're following.'
'You're the brainy.'

And the best thing that I could reply was,

'Are they all scripted actually?'

Ok, fine. Maybe he is sincere (but gosh, marketing strategy, helooo?) So yeah, I might have to take more time to consider about joining the gym. From the fee (it's quite a commitment, i would say)to the no musolla for ladies, to the daunting environment and the not so available parking space, and finally, it's a unisex gym; these really urge me to refuse to join this gym. But on the good side, it is on the way to my office, it has ladies section, the fee includes free towel for each session and of course, the lesmils club classes!

Anyway, since I fell on my knee last weekend, the doctor advised me not to do any workout for the next one week or two. And while waiting for the knee to recover (and consider other stuffs too), hopefully I'll be able to decide by then.

So, what do u think? Should I go for it?

life

2010-10-19T22:15:00.001+08:00

Has anyone get to the point when they feel sick of their lives?

When u feel like the other drivers are driving like crazy or some so called superior being like 'duh, im way better than u, so shut up!'. ah, those are just tiny example of the stupid haywires.

And u get back to the square one, back to the question,

Why the hell am I here?

Maybe I should continue running?

And maybe, just maybe...
It's actually a call from Him to get u back to Him.

As for the time being, I'm gonna continue with my running.

The thing that keeps me going

2010-10-17T00:58:00.003+08:00

Farah said that the blog should move on to the next topic (which means, I should update a new post la). haha

So here's the update;

Work is fine. So far. There's few not so cool things happened here and there, but it can still be chewed. I reckon...

For all the ridiculous things or some sort of challenging obstacles that I have to deal with, I keep saying this to myself,

' I'd able to take care, perform glucose tolerance and decapitate mice at ridiculous hour for 6 month, I should be able to do these stuffs too!'

So yeah, just when I thought that I've spent my honours year in doing not-so-lively thingy, it happens to be one of the driving forces that keeps me going.

Now I can start to see the silver lining behind the cloud. So, if u are probably in the same position (u know, doing things that kinda boring or intense and deadly demanding), my best advice is, just roll with it, ya! Allah always knows best!

(coz i had this thought during my swimming class. lol!)

Note (got nothing to do with this post):
'It's peculiar... A good peculiar thing, but it's peculiar.'

esok interview

2010-09-23T23:01:00.001+08:00

Esok interview PTD. Ni kira final stage before dapat tau korang hired as PTD contract or not.

Kalau korang ingat, PTD saga ni bermula dalam bulan 4 lepas. Just before nenek aku meninggal. Ala, yang teruk gila aku hujan dan jawab soalan dalam bangunan exam yang penuh manusia tu?

Then 2nd stage was PAC, PTD assessment centre. Dah la buat kat INTAN sebelah UM. Sangat apekah. (Kalau tak kene g Ganu..hhuhuhu) Untuk stage ni, korang kene tunjuk skill dan buah fikiran tentang isu semasa, kena bercakap, kerja dalam kumpulan, berlari2 untuk bape kilometer tah.

And finally is the stage 3, this is the interview stage. Panel terdiri daripada orang-orang SPA, JPA dan siapa tah. Diorang boleh tanya macam2 soalan. Pasal mende yg korang belajar kat uni, isu semasa, dasar kerajaan, struktur organisasi kerajaan, etc etc.To be honest, aku tak study hape pon lagi. Sebab tu aku tension sekarang. Dan sebab tu aku tulis entry ni.

Tension tak bererti aku nak jadi PTD. Aku lebih rasa macam..... macam kena pergi je interview ni walaupun lepas aku timbang tara, aku rasa aku nak stay kat uni. Paling penting, aku tanak nampak macam orang bodoh pastu down 2 3 hari sebab tak reti jawab soalan interview. urghhhh!

Again, kenapa aku tulis mende2 camni.

Sebabnya aku tengah tension. Sama macam uni dulu, aku kan suke tulis pasal tikus la, thesis la... semua sebab aku tension. Huahahahaha.

Ok, papehal yang jadi pun, doakan yang terbaik. Mekasih.

Altimet

2010-09-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

Okay.. I think the last time I blog about music was.... M.Nasir, tujuh nafas lagi?

Anyway,

First time I heard about Altimet was back in 2008. Nope, am not really a big fan of hip hop but can still tolerate few songs that i think interesting, ie; alhamdulillah by too phat (just to name one. :P) So yeah, I listened to Chantek in 2008. Not really interested to the song due to some personal problems (ok intan, sila gelak).

to be honest, aku tak setuju sangat scha as the 'chantek' but, anyway~

Then, it was AIM this year when Altimet performed his 'Syukur', I was stunned. Kenapa? Well, if u know me that well, u wud know that I am so into guy who is tall, dark, specky and not-having-a-clear-and-perfect-skin (tinggi2, gelap2, pakai spek, ade jerawat). So I thought, ok this guy is handsome (according to my own definition la).

So I straight looked for his info on the net (He used to be one of the TTC- The Tarik Crew), and then later listened to Syukur once again and seriously, the lyrics is cool. Cool as in, it's islamic yet not in that nasyidun nasyidan syle (not that im saying i dont like nasyid). So yeah, I've been listening to Syukur and Chantek ever since then coz I think the lyrics are just wicked. Wicked in the sense of, they are full with messages not just another typical lagu cinta jewang meratap. And of course, the usage of Malay words is 'berseni' (if i'm allowed to use that word). U might wanna check his duet with Ning called Mimpi (a cover version of Sweet Dream). I think that's about how fame and all this showbiz life are all about.

Here's his latest work in collaboration with Sohaimi Mior Hassan (Epilog Cinta Bromley<-- lagu evergreen bro!) and Anna Raffali (Tolong Ingatkan Aku); Kalau Berpacaran. The song was made during MACP workshop. And again, this one is COOLNESS, dude!

U can listen to the rest of his songs here.Dun worry la, Altimet tak bayar aku utk promote dia. Saje nak share mende yang aku rasa best. =)

Eid celebration in M'sia

2010-09-12T20:23:00.002+08:00

Fuh, first time raya ngn otak clear. Tak macam last year, nak raya pun rasa bersalah sebab teringat thesis n tikus. Cuti seminggu lebih tu,beb!
Balik kampung petang khamis. Berbuka di sebelah Sungai Semantan. interesting
Malam; massive cleaning rumah arwah Wan. Dari tingkat atas sampai ke dapur. Tikus kat kampung tak secomel dan sejinak tikus kat medic school. hoho
Raya. Bermaaf2an sambil menghulurkan duit raya. Berjalan ke rumah sanak saudara untuk raya pertama dan kedua.
Raya ke-3. Ada perjumpaan keluarga besar. It's interesting how people still look up for pangkat ie; dr. prof etc etc. haih...
Back in KL. Will be off to Muar, Johor tomorrow.

Lepas family gathering tadi, encik Along mahu ke bandar, makan pizza (raya2 makan pizza, apekes?) Time tu jugak dikejutkan dengan berita kematian jutawan Sosilawati. Since utusan dok keluarkan berita pasal kehilangan dia beberapa sebelum raya as headlines, so ianya sangat menimbulkan curiousity jugaklah. In fact, masa family gathering tu, semua orang bercerita. So bila dapat tau pasal 4 orang tu mati dibakar, abu dibuang ke dalam sungai... kitorg semua cam terdiam. Along might terasa sket, since he knows the daughter.

I was in shock too. Like, Ya Allah, ni macam cerita dalam drama Bella dowh. Gila ke manusia? Sampai boleh pukul orang, pastu bakar, pastu buang abu kat dalam sungai. That's just .. inhumane! Macam mana orang boleh buat macam tu sekali?

And this happened in Malaysia...This is indeed a one high profile case, dude.

Semoga roh-roh mangsa dicucuri rahmat. Kita serahkan semuanya kepada Allah. Dan untuk kita, mohon kita diberikan husnul khatimah. Al-fatihah.

Juga disedekahkan Al-Fatihah buat mak topek yang baru meninggal semalam.

p/s: aku cuti sampai ahad depan. alhamdulillah.

Eid

2010-09-09T02:30:00.000+08:00

Raya ngan family. Walaupun tak cukup korum (baby mak dgn abah tade), tapi this is the first time menyambut aidilfitri di Malaysia selepas 4 thn. Weehuuu!!!
Am not really looking forward for ketupat, rendang, lemak ke hape. Tapi aku suka the fact yang aku tak in charge in cooking any meal (hopefully). Mak ada kat dapur, so bertindak mengikut arahan. Kalau kat OZ, masing-masing amik part masing and bertanggungjawab ke atas masakan masing-masing. huuuu
I will not be online during eid! Yes, I got life! Kalau tak before this, asal raya, mesti on9 either kat y! or facebook. Gile loser!
Bagi duit raya kat budak2.

To be honest, am not that looking forward for raya. Like... makan2 ke, baju lawa ke. I guess, as u grow older, u'll pass that stage

I got no expectation on this raya. I'll just go with the flow la.

Serious cam taleh blah bila dengar lagu raya;ie' inilah masa bersuka-ria'. BERSUKA-RIA apekah?

Kalau dengar lagu raya, yang lagu orang merantau tu meratap sayu sebab taleh balik kampung langsung buatkan aku terfikir yang budaya kat sini bila cakap pasal raya is more on emotion, sentimental, nostalgic value. Kalau tanya pendapat aku, raya is more than that. It's about how we managed to meraikan kemenangan ; melawan nafsu sepanjang bulan ramadhan, memohon keampunan dan berdoa dimasukkan ke dalam syurga lalu lahir sebagai bayi suci dari dosa.

Tapi bunyi lagu raya, macamlah ramadhan tu bulan torture. Sebab tu happy gila bila dah raya. Ramadhan is a bless my friends. A month that is fulled with blessings.

Huhu, enough ramblings. Better get some sleep. Sok nak kene masak2 lak.

Therefore,

mahu mengucapkan selamat menyambut aidil fitri. Semoga ramadhan membawa seribu rahmat dan kita sudah berjaya (kalau tak semua, sikit pun jadikla) menjadi hamba yang lebih baik dari bulan sebelumnya dan mohon diberikan hidayah dan kekuatan untuk istiqamah.

Juga mahu memohon ampun dan maaf. As in, kalau ada entry yang menyinggung perasaan secara sengaja ataupun tidak. Harap diampunkan dosa-dosa saya terhadap anda.

Kepada yang memandu, berhati-hati di jalan raya. Silalah guna signal bila nak tukar lane (tapi pastikan anda tengok cermin belakang dan sisi dahulu). Kepada pemilik kereta besar, silalah bawa kereta anda dengan penuh rasa tanggungjawab, elakkan merasa superior lalu membawa kereta seperti highway itu anda yang bina dan turap sendiri. Ingatan juga kepada pemilik kereta biasa juga.

Kepada penunggang motosikal, sila gunakan laluan yang disediakan. Janganlah bawak motor di tengah-tengah jalan macam anda sedang memandu bull dozer ye.

InsyaAllah, panjang umur, murah rezeki, saya akan update lagi.

Akhir kalam, salam aidilfitiri dan maaf zahir dan batin.

dari ainishamsi, segambut. (yes! bukan adelaide lagi!! wohooo!!)

menjelang eidul fitri

2010-09-08T13:43:00.002+08:00

Sekarang sedang berada di ofis. Ofis admin jabatan.
Semua pembantu tadbir dan staff sokongan dah balik, so aku kene jaga ofis. Selain aku, there's my head of department and one non-muslim lecturer in this building.

Gile bosan, try nak baca artikel as preparation for the students' presentation a week after uni break, tp ngantuk plak. So, aku g bukak sehelai demi sehelai paper lama yang ada kat ofis ni, and cari page2 yg cam cun lalu buat sampul duit raya. Jimat ok? Aritu mintak kat bank, bank dah habis stok. Cit.

This will be the first time for me to give out duit raya to the kids (and of kos la ade list org2 dewasa di situ). I even had duit raya spreadsheet on excel.

Ketua jabatan will be having a meeting with the VC, and she allows me to go home at 2.30 pm. hohoohoho

Will be celebrating eid in KL. Why? Abang aku tak dapat cuti on kames.

How different is this eid?

Well, after 4 years beraya di perantauan, this will be the first raya maa. But, tuk wan, wan (my grandmas) dah tade.

Ah, budak kecik yg sorang tu pon tade.

ok la, nak sambung buat sampul. ade lagi 20 lebih kene buat. bai

update: insyaAllah akan balik kampung esok. Pakcik tu dapat cuti. Baru la rayee camni!

Cynic

2010-09-03T18:04:00.001+08:00

A person who believes all people are motivated by selfishness.
A person whose outlook is scornfully and often habitually negative.
Cynic : A member of a sect of ancient Greek philosophers who believed virtue to be the only good and self-control to be the only means of achieving virtue.

tiga puluh satu bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh

2010-09-01T00:47:00.002+08:00

1. Kerja

Last week bagi test kat students. Aku kasik soalan straight to the point, mmg saje nak kasik markah free internal assessment. Tapi banyak je yang jawab ke laut. Which really makes me wonder (maroon 5), budak-budak ni hafal yang hafal blind pigly ke hafal byyyy heart (oh, lecturer aku kat taylor's ske kuar kan ayat - to know it baaiii heart dengan slang manglish).

Haihhhh~~

Aku kalau boleh tanak la ajar cam.. satu satu. Aku tanak treat diorg cam budak skolah, seriousness. Cuba kasik idea sket, nak buat ape?

2. Merdeka

Duduk kat area KL, memang banyak dengar bunyi bunga api. Tapi aku tak rasa ape-ape pun. Adakah ini bermakna aku dah tak patriotik?

Beberapa kali gak la aku mempersoalkan mende tu. Tapi pk2 balik, patriotik tu bukannya tipikal patriotik yg ditunjukkan dalam tv. Patriotik tu dalam diri.

Sama macam zaman Rasulullah, diorg berperang, tinggal family, harta etc etc. Diorg bekerja, berdakwah, berniaga, tu pun dah kira patriotik.

Belajar bersungguh-sungguh demi menyumbang kepada masyarakat. Mendidik, menyumbang tenaga dalam aktiviti kemasyarakatan (samada bentuk idea mahupun material). Tu semua patriotik.

Yang tak patriotik, bila cakap banyak tapi apa pun tak buat. kot?

3. Emi

Emi fly last week. Dahsyat kot hujan kat klia pagi jumaat tu. Biasa lah, adik paling kecik (kecik hape tah, besar gabak je).

To Emi, sila jangan banyak main. Memang la dok overc ni cambest. Leh jalan sana-sini. Tapi, when it comes to study, silalah study. Jangan nnt, dok letak kat status fb -apesal nak kene study. menyampahnya nak pegi kelas. bla bla. Tapi bila g jalan-jalan - Seronokkknyeee hariniiiiiii~!

Balik nanti, kompem kene sekeh secara berjemaah dengan kitorg.(fine, it's normal to have such status but.. ingat tujuan asal anda di sana.)

Btw, kalau rasa dah tersasar jauh, gi sembahyang sunat. Paling tak pun, g call mak.

sekian tazkirah harini.kita sudahi dengan wabillahitaufiq walhidayah wassalammualaikum, warahmatullahiwabarakatu.

p/s: nanti ingatkan aku untuk post perkongsian drpd talk Dr. Chandra Muzaffar on fasting not feasting. Sekurang-kurangnya b4 tamat ramadhan. Thanks.

psp: marathon 10 malam terakhir jom!

Nota buat Tuhan

2010-08-26T00:03:00.001+08:00

Masihkah sudi Kau menerima aku kembali?

Kali ini tidak lagi putih suci.

Introduction to Science and Technology

2010-08-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

Itu tajuk subjek yang aku mengajar (tutor). Subjek ni secara amnya mengupas sains dan teknologi dari sudut pengajian sains dan teknologi. Setakat ni, kuliah baru mengupas tentang pengertian sains, teknologi dan kesan perkembangannya kepada masyarakat, sejarah gerakan kesedaran terhadap sains, nama-nama pemikir yang mencetuskan idea samada menyokong saintis ataupun menyokong masyarakat, etika sains, revolusi sains.

Kuliah masih berbaki 8 minggu. Hal-hal berkaitan polisi sains, falsafah dan epistemologi juga kemapanan masih belum diajari lagi. Ya, perjalanan untuk para pelajar dan orang seperti aku masih jauh.

Subjek ni, subjek wajib fakulti. Oleh itu, semua pelajar dalam fakulti sains wajib mengikuti subjek ni. Rata-rata bila aku tanya pada kelas-kelas yang aku masuk, masing-masing menyatakan kebosanan terhadap subjek ni (almaklumlah, budak fizik, bio, chemistry, math, semua nak tak nak, kena amik jugak subjek ni)

Ada yang kata bosan la. Tak interesting la. Tak nampak ape fungsi subjek ni, sebab diorang budak sains la. bla bla bla bla.

Tapi tadi, sorang pelajar bagitau yg dia rasa subjek ni sangat interesting. And I went , "Oh my god! U're the first! Wait, is that like straight from ur heart? Like, are u serious?"

"Yes. I do find the subject interesting."

Kelas riuh seketika. Sedangkan pelajar dari jabatan aku pun mengaku betapa bosannya subjek ni.

"Why?"

"Because... when I attended the classes, I have a clearer understanding of the role of scientist. And learn about science...."

Dia berhenti di situ, sedikit segan dan malu-malu. Mungkin juga kerana keseluruhan kelas bersorak.

And seriously, he really made my day! Mungkin hari ini hanya seorang daripada puluhan pelajar yang memahami tujuan aku berdiri di hadapan mereka. Semoga hari-hari yang mendatang, kesedaran dan fahaman itu akan tiba. =)

" I believe that we have a huge gap between scientist and society.U might think that this subject is useless, but i need u to think science beyond science. Don't see an Iphone as just an Iphone. See and think beyond that. Think about the history, the effects, the issues, the concerns. And maybe then, u can be a 'humane scientist'."

Cool thing about being a tutor

2010-08-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

I was walking down the hill from Bank Islam towards my department. It was drizzling and I was coughing on my way there.

Out of sudden, a girl with umbrella approached me and said, "Miss, let me walk with u. U need an umbrella."

I was stunned. After few seconds, I then realized that she is one of my student. My first year student.

"Oh, it's ok. I'm fine."

"No, u were sick last week. And now u're coughing in the rain. Come, let's walk together."

"Do u have any class? I don't wanna hold u up."

"It's ok. I'm on my way to the bank. I got class at 3."

And then she smiled.

****

Some ppl might think that she was trying to be flattering or whatnot. But for me, I found that as ...

cool. B-)

Update 1st week of Ramadhan

2010-08-15T22:28:00.005+08:00

inspired (?) by Ihsan to update blog entry according to the daily activities n other related businesses.

1. Work

Classes are ok. Handle 3 subjects with the total number of students approximately around 110. Students are fine, but since I'm dealing with each batch, I can see the difference between first year and third year students. First year students expect a lot from u, or should I call it, spoon feeding? Third year are fine. At least they respond for your jokes and questions.

Oh, I'm currently working as tutor in UM. Alhamdulillah. =)

And btw, I've passed the second stage of PTD assessment. And yet still considering whether should I go for the interview or should I just stay at UM? Hurmmm....

2. Fasting month

Somehow I see Malaysians treat Ramadhan as a month of celebration. No, am not talking about the spirit of ramadhan or what, am talking about literal celebration. This is the month of Megasale, the month of feast and buffet, the month of bazaar ramadhan etc etc.

Back in Adelaide, the feelings were different.

...

But, KL ke Adelaide ke, tu kan semua bumi Allah? Bawah lindungan dan rahmat Allah?

But one thing that I love about Malaysia is the access to religious activities is countless. U have ikim.fm, mosques, astro oasis,usrah etc etc. So ok la tu kan?

3. Others

Sam came to UM last Friday. Took him for a tour around the campus. Been catching up about life in Adelaide. He mentioned that Adelaide is freaking cold with the hail and rain. The meeting really reminds me so much of Adelaide; the cold winter, the bus, the wet trip to school every morning.

But the, I told him the same thing that I've been telling myself

'Yes, I would love to go back to Adelaide, but only to visit , not to live there anymore.' :P

Alhamdulillah,U can say that I'm quite happy with my life now,

On another note, been going back to kampung (be it Pahang or Johor) quite often.

Frequently being asked, "Semedang ko balik kampung?"

Mungkin, orang-orang yang bertanya tu tak tahu, apa perasaannya bila wajah-wajah yang manyambut di muka pintu 3, 4 tahun dulu sudah tiada. So all u wanna do now is to go back to kampung, hoping that when it is time either for u or any of your loved ones to go, u won't be regretful coz at least u've spared ur time with them.

Yes, kita hidup setiap hari untuk menghampiri mati.

Announcement:

Hijjaz is organising Iftar next weekend for ex-Adelaideans.

Details:

Venue: Restoran Samudera, Putrajaya Lakehouse.

Date : 21st Aug 2010

Time : Time berbuke la ofkos!

Payment(?) : RM50 - buffet

Those who would like to participate, please contact Hijjaz via FB. RSVP by 19th.

Spread the words, mkay?

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa semua!

Ini Ramadhan yang pertama...

2010-08-10T23:42:00.003+08:00

This wud be the first Ramadhan (after celebrated 4 Ramadhan in Adelaide).

Last year, aku pernah bersahur sambil bedah-bedah tikus. Buat kerja RNA sambil berpuasa (dan ibadah ini asyik dipersalahkan bila aku tersilap buat eksperimen, huhu, sabo je la ngn mat saleh ni.) Tapi kali ni, aku sambut Ramadhan tanpa suara (literally takde suara. Camne tah nak conduct lagi 5 kelas minggu ni? Pengajaran untuk hari ini, sila guna microphone bila handle tutorial. huahaha)

Kali ni, takde lagi masalah nak ikut masjid mana, puasa yang tak sekata. Yang sana kata masjid ni betul, yang sini kata masjid ni betul. Tapi haritu, aku dapat update yang Australia dah ada majlis tengok anak bulan sendiri (?). Best woo ikut tengok anak bulan. Masa first year dok tepi pantai Henley Beach, kumpul ramai-ramai tengok anak bulan. But then again, it wasn't just about the excitement, the 'ilm and the faith that we shared that made me feel how important it is for us to seek for the truth and knowledge. =)

Tapi kat sini, masalah pasal tarikh mula puasa takde. Pasang radio, bukak tv, akan keluarlah Pakcik penyimpan mohor besar raja-raja yang katanya dulu atuk classmate aku kat Labu (?). Beruntung jadi rakyat Malaysia ni, tak perlu nak pening kepala berdebat ke apa. Harapnya muslim di Malaysia ni sedar betapa beruntungnya mereka, semuanya dah tersedia, tinggal nak beribadat sahaja. Tapi, bila semua dah tersedia ni la yang membawa kepada isu 'ignorant', lantas membawa kepada kekufuran dan pembaziran. hurmmmm....

Anyway, selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan kawan-kawan dan keluarga semua. Semoga kita isi Ramadhan kali ini dengan lebih bermakna dan berjaya mengurangkan jarak antara kita dengan Allah. Well, Dia tak pernah jauh, cuma kita yang selalu menjauhkan diri, kan?

Masa on the way ke Masjid Wilayah, sambil mendengar pengumuman tarikh mula puasa, tiba-tiba lak hati jadi sayu....

Sedangkan pantai berubah.

2010-08-10T20:57:00.000+08:00

Time - Backstreet Boys (Black & Blue)

2010-07-31T02:15:00.005+08:00

Rome wasn't build in a day

Old habits die hard

What's the similarity that these proverbs have?

They are both talking about hard work and time. Yes, time is always the eraser of memories.

But u need more than time to erase or to work for something. U need motivation, u need driving force. U need a different view of seeing things that are happening.

U need to change yourself, then time can do his job. And prior to that, u need to learn to love yourself first.

'When you learn to love yourself, u're better off by far' (Joey McIntyre, 1998)

And people do change for a better version of themselves.

Ulangtahun kelahiran

2010-07-19T23:25:00.012+08:00

Pernah tengok tak azan maghrib kat tv9? Yang dia tunjukkan perjalanan hidup manusia. Dari perut ibu dia sampai ke liang lahad.

9 bulan

tadika

sekolah rendah

sekolah menengah

kolej

uni

zaman keje (tade gamba)

Alhamdulillah, untuk setiap nikmat juga dugaan. Terima kasih untuk yang sudi hadir, telah hadir,akan hadir dan terus hadir dalam hidup ni. Dengan izin Allah, terima kasih untuk mak, abah, family, sahabat-sahabat (dunia akhirat, InsyaAllah. Tang family mmg kompem2 dunia akhirat. hihi), cikgu-cikgi (dunia akhirat juga. lepas ni aku ada anak murid pulak) yang menjadikan aku adalah aku hari ni.

InsyaAllah, suatu hari nanti, bila tiba masanya jasad aku dimamah ulat, semoga waktu tu, aku berterima kasih untuk apa yang pernah sama-sama kita laksanakan supaya boleh membantu kita di hari kemudian.

Alhamdulillah, terima kasih Tuhan!

Kalau diberi kesempatan, gambar-gambar untuk peringkat seterusnya akan ditambah (i.e; sambung belajar ke ape ke). Kalau tak, mungkin ini birthday terakhir? Wallahu'alam.

life of mine

Masalah dan manusia

Langit runtuh

Khusyu' and Zu'

Under pressure

Awan

Exam tamat

Jam biologikal sudah rosak

Marriage

2012

The academics : Philosophy

The wedding + Deadlines = Nightmare!!

The first in the family

It's life but I'm slowly detaching from it

Belajar untuk tidak mengambil peduli

It's the time of the semester....

Hospital and Me

I am no longer the bitter Aini

Ilmu itu apa tanda harganya?

Do u have the guts?

Novel

Friendship 2.0

Freedom

Qurban - Taqarrub

Ibrahim is taken by Allah as His Khalil. The birth of his son tested the Khullah, until Ibrahim is proven to uphold the Khullah between him and Ismail, the sacrifice took place. Love is to strengthen sacrifice, but people commonly sacrifice to strengthen love

Hasrizal Abdul Jamil Salam Aidiladha

There's still a long way to go for PhD I

+ve

muscle pain

Rambling ...i've lost count of the part

It's the time of the semester!!!

Coz above all

New thing

Waktu saya berumur 19

You've been there, so what's wrong about being there again?

Hectic

The first week

Lurus

Demi masa

Eidul Fitr

Fanbois treat criticism of favorite brands as threat to self-image

tiba-tiba

petang itu di Wayville

Orang II

Hasad

Tazkirah jumaat

The academics : a newbie perspective I

orang

let's live happily and gratefully

Happy belated birthday, Ai Ni-ssi!

Hari yang cerah

Cuti 2.0 (huha!)

Cuti

Yang aku tak faham

Antara anyer dan jakarta

Ikhlas

Sinusoid

Eczema de Examo

arsenal vs liverpool

It's the matter of preference

Prospectus

Hujung semester

These are the days...

Bezanya belajar di Malaysia

An accident to be told

The world we're living in

Bukan murah

Irama dan kamu

Apa yang aku rindu

Love at the first sight? No?

Reflect and retrospect

From uni to 9 Devonport Tce

Soalan! soalan!

Used

Fairy tales

^^ for my chingu

Love is...

2010 - the transition year

Should I be enjoying this final moment?

Kids nowadays

Ibrahim is taken by Allah as His Khalil. The birth of his son tested the Khullah, until Ibrahim is proven to uphold the Khullah between him and Ismail, the sacrifice took place.

Love is to strengthen sacrifice, but people commonly sacrifice to strengthen love

Hasrizal Abdul Jamil

Salam Aidiladha